Globe Syndicate
for release Friday August 22, 2003
Another Way
by Melodie Davis
Back to Church
We all know September as "back to school" time; no matter if you haven't been in
school for 50 years and your kids finished 20 years ago. Maybe we can think of
September as "back to church" time too-even if you haven't been there either for
a long time. Use now to plan ahead a little.
It is hard to start going to religious services if you have gotten out of the
habit. Many young adults get out of the habit during their college
years-accompanied by maybe examining and questioning all the beliefs and values
they grew up with. Then, they get married and kids come along and if you think
crawling out of a college dorm bed by yourself and getting to church by 9:30 or
10:00 a.m. on a Sunday morning was hard, try getting two adults and two
preschoolers and an infant there on time.
A woman wrote to me recently asking for tips on dealing with small children in
church and I thought that would be a great idea for a topic. Perhaps children at
your church are automatically shuttled off to the nursery, but if you have your
children with you for even part of the service, here are some ideas to help
having children participate in worship services go smoother. Incidentally, it
does help to try getting as much stuff ready the night before as possible, like
laying out all their clothes (let them choose their own if they are old enough,
and have a rule of no changing their minds in the morning), packing the diaper
bag, and collecting any things you need to take for classes or other business.
You may also want to lay out everything for breakfast and set the table to save
time and stress. When I tried this for several months it went beautifully as
long as it lasted.
The Sunday I remember best when I was trying this "lay everything out the night
before" plan was when I had everything ready to go on the table, refrigerator or
counter for our usual eggs, bacon and rolls breakfast, and we woke up the next
day to a blanket of ice covering everything. We were not able to go to church
but I certainly enjoyed feeling pampered with having everything almost "done"
for us-an unplanned side benefit. Here are specific ideas for services:
1. My first suggestion is probably obvious: bring mess-free snacks like Cheerios
or raisins for them to nibble on at the point they get really bored or restless.
I was a shameless user of "gum" as a treat to keep my children quiet after they
were a bit older. Probably my worst moment in church came one time when I had
been invited to speak in a church; my husband and our two children had traveled
with me (youngest not born yet). Right at the moment the pastor was introducing
me, our kids were arguing over a toy and I was trying to shush them with gum. My
husband was telling the two year old that she would be punished if she didn't
straighten up. I felt like all the eyes of the congregation were on us. (You
always feel that way if your kids are acting up.)
2. Have some toys that are played with only in church. Pack them in your diaper
bag or some other special backpack or satchel your children use only at church.
My father was famous for the box of "trick dogs" he kept in the pocket of his
Sunday suit, and we were always fascinated by the magnetic forces that kept the
dogs running from each other or sticking together. He also kept wintergreen
candy in his pocket, as his father had.
3. Have special "church" books on biblical stories or topics they can read only
at church.
4. Lower your expectations for a peaceful church service. Don't be afraid to
assert rules; other worshippers will appreciate you keeping your children in
line, but don't worry excessively about occasional noise or even crying. Just
remove them promptly from the sanctuary if they make a lot of noise.
5. Don't let siblings sit next to each other if possible (gets tough with more
than three kids). Don't generally let them sit with friends (although this
practice varies from church to church). I always enjoyed (and still do!) sitting
together as a family unit.
6. Use the nursery freely; it is a place where children can feel love and
acceptance even if they are "playing." We enjoyed keeping our children in the
worship service for longer and longer periods as they got older, and we felt
that they should be able to tolerate a full service by the time they went to
school.
I hope these ideas are helpful. Carving out worship time as a family is valuable
not only for your faith, but for having something you do together as a family.
While sending your children to church is good, taking them yourself is better
and will mean more to the children.
Do you have any tips you'd like to share on coping with children during
religious services? Send to:
Write to: Melodie Davis, Another Way c/o Name\Address of YOUR newspaper; or
e-mail: Melodie@mennomedia.org.
You can also visit Another Way on the Web at www.thirdway.com.
Melodie Davis is the author of seven books and has written her column since
1987. She taught feature writing and has won awards from the National Federation
of Press Women, Virginia Press Women and the American Advertising Association.
She and her husband have three daughters.
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