The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
July 23, 1999
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.
Reduce Your Stress Tips
Question: I quit my job because I have to take care of both my mother and father-in-law. Each live in a different area, about 20 minutes from each other and 20 minutes from us. I'm in the car every day running errands and making sure they eat properly and take their medicines. I'm exhausted, frustrated and angry. How can I regain my own life?
Answer: You need help! Help in doing the chores themselves and in setting parameters of what you comfortably can do. Balancing life in your situation certainly isn't easy. But you need to put yourself on top of your priority list. A few suggestions.
If your mother and father-in-law like each other and get along, sharing one house can reduce your driving time and the need for separate grocery shopping, etc. It would also give the elders companionship. A three-bedroom, two bath house, would allow each privacy.
Also, hiring someone else to do basic chores will relieve you of the responsibility and constant running. They can pool their financial resources to hire one person to help both of them. Then you can return to work, especially if you really enjoy it.
For yourself, remember that regular relaxation is critical to your own health.
Relaxation is not escapist. It's important you put yourself on the top of any to-do priority list.
* Take each day and do at least one thing that you thoroughly enjoy - even if it's just sitting in a corner reading, doing a crossword puzzle or listening to music.
* Take deep abdominal based breathes. Five minutes a day will help reduce stress.
* Watch what you eat. If caffeine or sugar are "uppers" and keep you awake at night, avoid them.
* Over scheduling chores is not worth the stress. Get help!
* Skip the mental replay of an incident or your situation. Thinking about things are not going to change them. Shut the mental door!
* Low impact exercise can be even better than aggressive activities. They help increase blood circulation and also provide an atmosphere where your brain can "go blank." A great refresher.
* Quiet down your environment. Turn off the radio and TV. Reduce the times you are surrounded by people, movement, noise. A mall on a weekday can energize; on the weekend, stay away.
* Meditation helps you become more in tune with yourself.
* Call or write a friend at least once a week. Go out for
coffee, lunch, even breakfast and think of "good" things to talk about.
For a list of 101 stress reduction suggestions, send a request and self-addressed envelope to this paper.
Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, c/o Name\Address of YOUR newspaper or e-mail her at SandwchGen@aol.com.
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 425 words; other material = 160 words
We would appreciate it if you would include the "Globe Syndicate" bug at the end of the column.
©1999 by Globe Syndicate, all rights reserved.