The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
July 30, 1999
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.
New Medicaid Law: Non-Medicaid Participating Nursing Homes Can Force A Move
Question: My mother, 90, is in a nursing home and Medicaid pays. Now the nursing home says we have to move her because she's on Medicaid. Do we have to move her from a now familiar environment?
Question: My mother, 75, can no longer take care of my sick father, 81, at home, and we're looking at nursing homes. They have some money, but not enough for a long stay. We're told that when their money runs out and he has to go on Medicaid that he'll have to move. Is this correct ?
Answer: The federal Nursing Home Resident Protection Act of 1999 addresses both of these issues.
The new law prevents nursing homes from evicting Medicaid patients if they've been in the home before the law was signed in March. This is true even if the home decides to leave the Medicaid program.
So, in this first case, your mother cannot be forced to move.
The second case is more complicated. If your father goes in as a "private pay" patient and his money is used up
* he will have to move if the nursing home is not Medicaid certified and is not a participant in the Medicaid program.
* he will not have to move if the home is a Medicaid program participant.
The new law requires homes to tell you in the beginning whether or not they are Medicaid certified.
It is very important to choose a home that is both Medicare and Medicaid certified.
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Question: My father, 87, fell and injured his hip. His doctor recommended hip replacement surgery, but the HMO said "no. He's too old!" We need help.
Answer: Very few are "too old" for hip replacement surgery. If the surrounding bones are still strong, surgery can help a person remain independent and out of a nursing home.
Appeal the decision, and contact Medicare and your state department of health.
My mother had complete hip replacement surgery at 86, and my father had partial replacement at 93. Medicare paid all the bills, with no questions asked.
If Traditional Medicare pays, the HMO should also.
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Question: My father, 82, has had several mini-strokes and while damage is minimal, he is afraid to do anything. He's become reclusive and stays away from family events. We want to help him, but don't know how.
Answer: A healthy older person needs emotional support in order to be able to cope with the normal aging process and lessening of capabilities. A stroke or heart attack patient needs double the ordinary support.
Understand the fear, anxiety and even anger (why me?) that your father may be feeling. No one wants to be "out there" and have another attack.
Encourage your father to
* help himself and strengthen the muscles or parts of the body that might have been weakened by the strokes.
* resume activities gradually. Smaller family gatherings, lunch out with one or two friends are less threatening than larger gatherings.
* seek new interests that might not be as physically or mentally tiring.
* join a support group. Moral support from others with the same experience is most helpful.
And encourage family members to openly express their love with words, hugs and kisses (even over the phone from a grandchild).
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Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, c/o Name\Address of YOUR newspaper or e-mail her at SandwchGen@aol.com.
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 560 words; other material = 160 words
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©1999 by Globe Syndicate, all rights reserved.