The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
August 20, 1999
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.
Having Fun Is Very Important for Elders
Question: My mother will be 75 soon and wants, as a gift, a weekend at a nearby hotel that has a spa. She wants to relax in the sauna, have a facial and massage, and "drink champagne." We think she's too old for such nonsense. Please advise.
Answer: Your mother is a smart lady and you should be guided by her.
No one is too old to feel good about herself! It's very important that everyone, regardless of age, look forward to and then thorough enjoy something positive.
A facial helps revitalize skin - and makes you feel good about yourself. A massage helps stimulate blood circulation and the functioning of key organs.
And drinking champagne and being waited on by others is just fun.
Besides treating your mother to a spa weekend, treat yourself too. You'll return home in a much happier and healthier frame of mind!
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Question: My mother, 78, wants to take a cruise with her "boyfriend" who is 76. They are both healthy, but how can we convince them they're too old to go off by themselves?
Answer: If they're healthy and mentally alert, you shouldn't be getting involved in the first place. It's your mother's business.
On the positive side, a ship provides marvelous "protection" for an elder and is far less tiring than other kinds of tours.
Ship staff are usually very solicitous of older people and keep an extra eye on them. There are always doctors and nurses on board, so if your mother or boyfriend get sick, help is immediately available.
Once on board, your mother can relax and doesn't have to worry about unpacking and repacking and meeting another bus or plane. At the same time, off-board sightseeing can be fascinating, and on-board activities keep away boredom.
Encourage - rather than discourage - your mother. The last long trip, which involved a 10 hour plane ride, my father took was at age 84.
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Question: My mother, 74, recently moved in with us and has trouble sleeping at night. She watches TV in her room, which then disturbs other members of the family. We all need our sleep. Advice please.
Answer: A new environment, a less active lifestyle, medications, (both prescription and over the counter), a change in diet or eating times can all result in insomnia.
If she is less active than before, seek ways she can increase general activities and exercise.
Review medications and discuss the need with her doctor. You should find a Board Certified geriatric physician and have a thorough medical workup done. Eliminate antihistamines because they often have caffeine. Pain killers may also have caffeine. Reduce or eliminate caffeine, sugar, high fat foods and alcohol, especially at night.
If she wants to watch TV or listen to the radio after other family members are asleep, get her head phones. An automatic turn off (timer) on the TV will turn it off after a couple of hours so she doesn't have to worry about making sure it's off before she falls asleep.
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Question: My father, 90, has trouble sleeping but refuses to take anything because he "doesn't want to become addicted." As a result he sleeps much of the day. Guidance please.
Answer: Mild sleeping pills can be very helpful. At his age, he doesn't need to worry about becoming addicted. Sleep is more important.
Identify enjoyable day time activities so he sleeps less then. Also, certain foods like turkey contain L-tryptophan, which helps promote sleep. Also B-5 (pantothenic acid, 500 or 1,000 mgs) combined with B-12 help naturally.
Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, c/o Name\Address of YOUR newspaper or e-mail her at SandwchGen@aol.com.
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 585 words; other material = 160 words
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©1999 by Globe Syndicate, all rights reserved.