The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
Globe Syndicate
for release September 24, 1999
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.
ALZHEIMER'S SYMPTOMS MAY BE FLUID IN THE BRAIN
Question: My father's (82) walk is unbalanced and sometimes he can't get his feet to move. He has become mentally confused and depressed with short-term memory loss. The doctors don't know what is wrong, but say it "might be" Parkinson's or Alzheimer's. "Might be" isn't good enough. I want to know what is happening.
Answer: I'm not a doctor. But if Alzheimer's or Parkinson's hasn't been definitely diagnosed, the doctors should look at "normal pressure hydrocephalus" (excess fluid in the brain).
Hydrocephalus can cause these symptoms. Inserting an internal tube to d rain off excess fluid might do the trick.
A friend of mine had that several years ago. Not only was her memory getting bad, but her mood swings were horrendous and she'd throw temper tantrums. Now she's fine.
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Question: My mother, 84, lives with us and is becoming more confused, forgetting if she ate and to take her medicine. I work and am thinking about quitting my job to stay home with her. Should I quit?
Answer: No! Keep working and seek options.
Staying home may create more stress, and your relationship with your mot her may deteriorate.
Look for a good adult day care center or senior center, if she's not too confused and can still do things.
Talk with social services agencies to see if a home care aide can come to the house on a regular basis to make sure she eats lunch. There are various gadgets which can help her remember to take medicine.
If you continue to work, you will have the money to pay for alternative care. Also, it is important to protect your own future financial security by contributing to social security and your pension plan or IRA as long as possible.
Unfortunately too many women put themselves at financial risk at a key time in their own work years. Then, when they reach your mother's age, they won't have enough money for their own care.
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Question: My father, 74, was never religious. He had a stroke six months ago and now insists on going to mass at least three or four times a week. He can't drive, and I have to take him. I work part-time and have four teenagers. I'm so tired from all these responsibilities, I don't know what to do about my father.
Answer: Get help! Don't do all the chauffeuring yourself. Do any of your children drive? Get him/her to take your father if there is a late afternoon or early evening mass. The church might have volunteers who can pick him up.
One survey of doctors showed that 99% of them believe that religious belief and active practice can contribute to physical healing.
Extensive studies demonstrate clear connections between religion and better health and cut across age, sex, cultural and geographic boundaries.
If you can't get your father to church as often as he'd like, encourage him to spend time each day reading the Bible.
National Institute of Healthcare Research studies show, a person who actively practices a religion or spiritual activity
* lives longer
* is less prone to depression and alcoholism
* has lower rates of cancer, heart disease and other major illnesses
* recovers better from illness
* copes better with chronic illness.
Belief in God seems to have a healing effect.
Try to encourage his spirituality, but do find a more comfortable chauffeuring alternative.
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Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, c/o Name\Address of YOUR newspaper or e-mail her at SandwchGen@aol.com.
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 580 words; other material = 160 words
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©1999 by Globe Syndicate, all rights reserved.