The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
for release November 12, 1999
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.
ANIMALS ARE GREAT GIVERS OF LOVE
Question: My mother, 79, just lost her cat of 17 years. She's devastated, but wants to go to the animal shelter right away to get another one. We think she should wait, because now she can travel without having to worry about the cat.
Question: My aunt, 75, had to put down her 14 year old dog. She took the dog (only weighed 6 lbs.) everywhere, and is now lost without him. We want to get her another dog, but she says no.
Answer: Pets and humans have always had a special bond. Pets provide unconditional love and acceptance. The loss leaves a void in life, and for animal lovers this can mean as much as the loss of a human friend.
Everyone handles grief and life differently.
While your mother may want to visit children and friends, she won't be traveling all the time. So, why should she be lonely and without a pet while she's home? A cat requires little care, and certainly will be that special friend when your mother needs one. As long as she can care for a new cat - or needs minimal help, help her choose a suitable one.
Grieving is a very individual thing. Don't force your aunt to get another dog when she's not ready for one. Encourage her to develop some new interests. Encourage her friends to get her out of the house so she can enjoy herself.
When I lost my second dog (a Great Pyrennes), I took in a stray Norwegian Elkhound a few months later. When she died, it took me a full year before I was ready for another pet.
Iams pet food company has set up the Pet Loss Support Resource Center
at
1-888-332-7738. A specially trained core of vet students across the
country help people better deal with the loss of a loved pet.
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Question: My mother, 71, had a stroke and can no longer work at the nearby animal shelter. She misses the animals and has gotten depressed. Because she lives in an apartment, she's never been allowed to have a dog or cat. How can we help her?
Answer: If she can't get to the shelter because she can't drive herself, perhaps someone else can pick her up. That is, if she is still able to get around and help out. Perhaps one of the other workers/volunteers or even a taxi. After a stroke, it's important to encourage people to return to their loved activities.
If she can't handle actually working at the shelter, there are other alternatives. Birds require minimal care, but can provide excellent bonding and love opportunities. They interact with people the same way dogs and cats do. A guinea pig is also an ideal apartment pet, and requires less care than a dog or cat.
Pet bonding goes a long way in helping people stay healthier, especially emotionally longer.
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Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, c/o Name\Address of YOUR newspaper or e-mail her at SandwchGen@aol.com.
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 460 words; other material = 160 words
We would appreciate it if you would include the "Globe Syndicate" bug at the end of the column.
©1999 by Globe Syndicate, all rights reserved.