The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
for release December 10, 1999
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.
Evaluate Capabilties Before Choosing Housing
Question: My mother recently passed away, and we don't know what to do with my father, 73. As he never cooked, did grocery shopping or cleaning, he's also at a loss. How does one decide what's best?
Answer: There is no one right or wrong "answer." There are so many alternatives from senior apartments, retirement hotels, subsidized congregate housing, shared housing, matched housing, continuing care retirement communities, assisted living residences, nursing homes and one's own home.
Which alternative is chosen depends on: (1) finances, (2) ability or non-ability to do the ADLs (activities of daily living, eating, dressing, bathing, toileting, and the ability to get around by oneself) and IADLs (incidental activities, such as handling finances, cooking, shopping, driving, cleaning); and (3) personality and personal lifestyle preferences.
Finances are a primary consideration as having a good income provides more options and increases the opportunity for a person to stay in his/her own home and pay for needed help.
If your father wants to stay at home, hire someone to do the shopping, cooking and cleaning. Or the matched housing concept, whereby a younger person in need of housing is given a room and perhaps board in exchange for household chores can be very workable. It's tricky to match personalities, but it can prove beneficial to all parties.
So, first evaluate financial resources, physical and mental capabilities and lifestyle preferences. Then match these elements with the services offered by the various housing alternatives and cost.
A practical guide prepared by The Equitable Foundation, Children of Aging Parents and the National Alliance for Caregiving provides concise information on housing alternatives and other aging parent issues. It is available free (by special arrangement) through The Sandwich Generation. Send me a note with a request, your name and address. I'll make sure you receive a free copy of "Aging Parents and Common Sense."
* * *
Question: My aunt, 72, lives in Chicago and during the winter has severe pain in her hands. She refuses to spend the winter with us in Florida. I see that each year she gets worse and weaker. Advice please.
Answer: There are more than 100 different kinds of arthritis. But no one should have to be in constant pain. First would be to identify the specific problem, and get appropriate drug therapy. Second would be to increase physical activity. Too often people stop using their hands because of the pain. That only decreases muscle strength and tone, which leads to more pain.
Rest may be important during flareups, but exercise over time can be more helpful. Muscle strength better supports and protects joints; and reduces pain. Water exercises are marvelous for all kinds of arthritis. A warm pool or even putting your hands in a hot bowl of water can reduce pain.
Rather than having her make a decision to spend the whole winter with you, invite her for the holidays - a week or two. Or, if her birthday is in the winter, give her a plane ticket as a gift - for a week or two vacation.
When she comes introduce her to appropriate activities, seniors, and organizations that will provide "fun."
* * *
Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, c/o Name\Address of YOUR newspaper or e-mail her at SandwchGen@aol.com.
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 545 words; other material = 160 words
We would appreciate it if you would include the "Globe Syndicate" bug at the end of the column.
©1999 by Globe Syndicate, all rights reserved.