The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
for release January 7, 2000
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.
Herbs Can Cause Major Problems
Question: My mother, 73, has always been vain about her appearance. She's taking all kinds of "anti-aging" herbs and other things. She doesn't look any younger, but insists "they work." Advice please.
Answer: Unfortunately, our society reveres youth and being young, and has not accepted aging as a normal process in human life. Your mother is not alone in seeking the proverbial fountain of youth. After all, who wants to look "bad."
However, much caution is urged because many of the so-called miracle remedies are actually very dangerous to health.
Chaparral is an herb used in teas, and supposedly delays aging. FDA warns it can cause serious liver and kidney problems.
Coenzyme Q-10 supposedly slows down aging. However, scientific studies indicate it does nothing to enhance the immune system as claimed. Also, it may be dangerous for those with poor blood circulation.
Germanium, sold as a dietary supplement supposedly to prevent Alzheimers, has also proved dangerous, causing irreversible kidney damage and even death.
More information is available from the FDA, HFE-88, 5600 Fishers Lane, Rockville, MD 20857.
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Question: We are Chinese. My mother, 72, has been going to a Chinese herbalist because she was depressed after my father died. Now she sleeps a lot during the day and is confused when she gets up. She refuses to see a regular doctor. What should we do?
Answer: First and foremost, have her stop taking the herbs! They are creating other, more serious problems. She can fall, for example, when she wakes up confused and really hurt herself. Certainly it's not good that she'ssleeping so much and becoming mentally confused.
Herbs and more importantly their use and dosages are not regulated by the FDA. It is virtually impossible to control the strength of them, either in their raw form or as they are used.
Losing a husband is difficult for every woman. The loss may be more acute in cultures where the husband "ruled the roost," so to speak, and where the role of women was strictly in the house.
Your mother is still young, but may feel unloved, useless, and unneeded. So, you need to
-- give her the emotional support she needs at this time;
-- have her participate in a grieving support group;
-- make her feel needed (get her to help you in the house);
-- help her get to a senior center or church and make new friends;
-- help her engage her mind in something she really enjoys doing;
-- make sure she eats properly.
If she continues to be depressed, a geriatric medical evaluation might be warranted. While I'm not a fan of drugs, often mild anti-depressants are helpful.
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Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, c/o Name\Address of YOUR newspaper or e-mail her at SandwchGen@aol.com.
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 440 words; other material = 160 words
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©2000 by Globe Syndicate, all rights reserved.