The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
for release March 17, 2000
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.
KEEPING IN TOUCH CAN BE MADE EASIER
Question My mother, 84, lives alone about 40 minutes from us. She is hard of hearing and often doesn’t hear the phone. It’s hard for me to go there every day, but we worry when she doesn’t answer. My sister called me to say she hasn’t been able to get a hold of my mother for three days. How can we be assured she’s OK, and still help her maintain her independence?
Answer Get an answering machine that has a blinking red light when there are messages. Put it in a place (like the kitchen or a hallway) that she frequently passes. If she gets into the habit of checking it regularly, keeping in touch will be easier and less stressful.
Make sure the telephone sound level is at the maximum. Also, put more phones around the house, especially in the living/family room and bedroom. Having cordless phones make it easier if she likes to sit outside or garden. And she can take a cellular phone anywhere with her. This makes a marvelous birthday or Mother’s Day gift.
A medical alert device (usually a bracelet or pendant ) can enable her to get help if she falls down or doesn’t feel well.
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Question My father, 76, refuses to leave his apartment and come live with us. He lives 150 miles away, so we just can’t hop in the car and easily visit. We worry when we can’t reach him for a couple of days. Advice please.
Answer Another example of where an answering machine can be helpful. Also develop a relationship with his neighbors and the apartment super. Get their telephone numbers and give them yours. They then can alert you if mail, for example, piles up. And you can call them if you haven’t reached him within a reasonable amount of time. I did this with my parents’ neighbor, who called me every time an ambulance came to the house as my father periodically had mini strokes.
You should contact your father’s electric/gas and telephone companies and have them alert you if bills aren’t paid on time. Also contact the local tax collector and mortgage company to make sure these bills are paid on time.
Doctors are a fine communication link, especially if the parent has a chronic illness. Establish a dialogue, and make sure his office has your telephone number.
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Question What happens if my lawyer, who is also the executor of
my Will, should die before me? He recently had a heart attack.
Is there some kind of law in such a case?
This possibility is worrying me.
Answer If your executor dies before you and you have not designated in your Will an alternate executor, then you die as if you had no Will, in other words Intestate. In such cases, the court will appoint an executor and your assets will be divided according to your state’s inheritance formula. There will be many more legal and accounting fees that will deplete your estate than if you took care of this now. Also, whatever your wishes are as to who will get your assets will be meaningless.
You should make sure you appoint an alternate. Have you thought about have one of your heirs as executor?
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Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, c/o Name\Address of YOUR newspaper or e-mail her at SandwchGen@aol.com.
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 545 words; other material = 160 words
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©2000 by Globe Syndicate, all rights reserved.