The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
for release May 5, 2000
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.
Caregivers Deserve Own Vacation
Question: Our children will be in camp for the summer, and my husband and I want to go away for a second honeymoon. My mother, who depends on me for shopping and other chores, says we shouldn’t leave her alone. She wants to come with us. I love her, but......
Answer: Self-renewal and the nurturing of relationships are important regardless of your age or caregiving situation. So, stick to your guns, and go away with your husband. You both deserve the change of pace and experiencing new places.
Make arrangements ahead of time for someone else to take your mother shopping and help around the house. You might even hire someone to stay with her, do the chores and keep her company all the time you’re gone.
Many assisted living residences, which are like hotels, have ôrespiteö care, and take in non-residents for a one or two-week period of time. Your mother can have her own vacation. You can vacation knowing she’ll get good care, food and social activities.
Make sure your mother doesn’t make you feel guilty about doing something that is important to you and your husband. You do need time alone together.
Later on in the summer, if you visit the kids’ camp for a weekend, you might want to take your mother at that time.
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Question: We moved my mother here (California) last Fall from the mid-west. Her doctors think she is in the beginning stages of Alzheimer’s. She wants to go visit one of her old friends this summer. I’M afraid she won’t want to come back here. I feel bad telling her she can’t go.
Answer: Rather than telling her she can’t go, figure out a way that she can go. (Needless to say, if she is very confused a trip might not be good).
If she’s just a little forgetful, a visit could help her now fragile self-esteem. Keeping in touch with old friends provides positive opportunities for reminiscing all the good times in life. This helps validate a person and his/her life.
An exchange visit from her friend next year might be appropriate. Then both have something happy to look forward to.
Of course, she shouldn’t travel alone. Someone should go with her.
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UPDATE: Congress lifted the cap amount on physical therapy allowed under Medicare. Therefore, for the time being, you can receive as much physical therapy as your doctor feels is beneficial.
Medicare will pay for physical and occupational therapy at home as well as in the hospital, a nursing home, or as an outpatient in a clinic or with a private, licensed therapist.
As with some other Medicare available services, you may have to ask for it.
The Medicare hotline number is 1-800-633-4227.
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Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, c/o Name\Address of YOUR newspaper or e-mail her at SandwchGen@aol.com.
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 460 words; other material = 160 words
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©2000 by Globe Syndicate, all rights reserved.