The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
for release August 18, 2000
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.
Pets, Plants, Kids Enrich Life of Alzheimer’s Patients
Question My mother, 80, has Alzheimer’s and recently moved into an assisted living home. It is the only place in our area that can handle her. But 2 dogs and 3 cats roam around at will. We don’t like all these animals wandering around.
Answer Gold star for the home! Pets, plants and kids enrich the lives of everyone, especially those with dementia/Alzheimer’s. Animals and plants emphasize life and bring smiles to elders’ faces.
You say “we don’t like” the animals. Who is “we”? Relatives not living there? Or your mother? Unless your mother is allergic to dogs or cats, they might give her a new lease on everyday life. And if she doesn’t like animals, one of two things can happen. First, she may get to like them, and they can foster the traditional female nurturing needs. After all, animals give unconditional love. Or second, animals sense when people don’t like them. If she ignores them, they will soon get the message - and ignore her.
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Question My mother, 84, insisted on having a flower garden this summer and is now talking about growing flowers inside for the winter. She wants to put an ugly metal multi-shelf book case in the living room. How do we stop her?
Answer Encourage - rather than stop her! Plants and especially colorful flowers are an emotional uplifter that everyone, regardless of age, can benefit from.
Colorful flowers can provide spiritual renewal - seeing new things grow - and solace, a sense of peace in an often troubled life.
My father had a marvelous vegetable garden until he was 92. And I love flowers - especially roses and orchids. I thoroughly enjoy driving up my driveway seeing the roses that bloom from June to November. And inside I have orchids. Some are even on one of those ugly metal shelving in the living room.
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Question My mother, 90, has Alzheimer’s. She still can get around, so we like to take her to family gatherings. Last week, at my granddaughter’s 4th birthday, my mother latched on to one of the dolls and wouldn’t give it up. We were all embarrassed.
Answer Don’t be embarrassed. Your mother’s mothering instinct was working. Instead of taking the doll away, you should encourage your mother and her great-granddaughter to have a tea party with the dolls. It’s an easy way to make a person with dementia happy. And it helps intergenerational bonding.
You might also get your mother her own dolls - take her to a toy store and let her pick out one or two. Plus clothes and a crib. Your mother obviously was happy in her mother role when you were growing up.
Unfortunately you can’t reverse Alzheimer’s. But you can make your mother a little happier.
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Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, c/o Name\Address of YOUR newspaper (or mail direct to her at PO Box 132,Wickatunk, NJ 07765-0132) or e-mail her at SandwchGen@aol.com.
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 475 words; other material = 160 words
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