The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
for release September 15, 2000
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.
Children From First Marriage May Be Short-Changed
Question I have 3 children from my first marriage, and now at age 73, I’m getting married again. I want to make sure my children receive my assets - rather than my new husband, even though I do love him.
Answer Congratulations! It’s always nice to hear about love!
First, you should sit down with a qualified elder law attorney as various legal documents will be needed to protect you.
Second, keep all of your assets in your name only. Don’t co-mingle them with your new husband’s assets. This goes for your husband also if he has children and wants to protect them.
Third, if you now buy a house, consider having the deed read “tenants-in-common,” and not joint tenancy with right of survivorship.
Fourth, you need a new Will that will pass on your assets to your children. If your new husband’s income is low, some or all of your assets might be put into a marital trust, with him receiving income. After his death the assets would then go to your children.
In the case of a house, your share would go to your children or a marital trust. His half would be distributed according to his Will. It is important to both of you, that you each have Life Rights to live in the house. That way neither of you can be forced out by the other one’s children.
Even in community property states, keeping pre-marriage assets separate will protect them for your heirs. In the case of the house, you'll need to consult an attorney as there are grey areas that need to be looked at.
You can get the name of an elder law attorney in your area by calling the National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys at 520-881-4005 or by logging on to www.NAELA.org.
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Question I’m 77 and have been lonely since my husband died two years ago. I’ve met a very nice man (75), and we want to get married. My children are against the marriage and say he’s only after my money. They say they won’t come to visit if I do marry him. I’m very upset.
Answer You have a right to be upset. It seems your children want your money rather than your happiness. Shame on them!
If he is a nice human being, kind and loving, go for it. But protect your assets; keep them in your name only; have an elder law attorney draw up the necessary legal documents to protect yourself and the money for your children. That is, if you still want to leave it to them.
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Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, c/o Name\Address of YOUR newspaper (or mail direct to her at PO Box 132,Wickatunk, NJ 07765-0132) or e-mail her at SandwchGen@aol.com.
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 450 words; other material = 160 words
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