The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
for release September 29, 2000
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich
Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent
care concerns and/or responsibilities.
ALZHEIMER’S AND CREATING HAPPINESS
Question: You recently told a woman to get her mother, 90, some dolls to play with. That’s terrible! To think a 90-year-old should play with dolls......
Answer: This woman has severe Alzheimer’s and is out of touch with every day reality. Often she doesn’t know her own children. But she remembers being happy in her "mother" role.
Unfortunately there’s no turning back the clock when it comes to Alzheimer’s. The woman will never get better. Given this hard, cold fact, one thing they can do is help the mother be as happy as possible. If it makes the mother happy to play with dolls, then encouragement is warranted.
I was in a nursing home once and a woman was rocking and singing to a doll. I said, "Oh, you’re taking such good care of your baby." The wide smile on her face was worth these simple words. I had acknowledged her value as a human being.
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Question: My mother, 88, recently came to live with us because her memory is going and she can’t live alone.
Our daughter, 10, and son, 7, are having trouble understanding why their grandmother periodically packs up her clothes and wants to go "home." How can we explain Alzheimer’s to them so they understand and have more patience with her?
Answer: There is a marvelous book, "When Meme Came to Live at My House," written by a woman whose mother-in-law came to live with her, her husband and their three children.
"Katie" tells the story of her grandmother. It provides insight for children and some excellent tips on how to defuse tensions.
Visit web site www.memeandme.com.
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Question: I finally retired (am 69) and am bored. I’ve been approached via telephone by a travel company which says I can become a travel agent (with no course or test) if I send them $49. I’m wary.
Answer: You’re right to be wary. This sounds like a typical scam. Such companies say they’ll give you an ID card so you can get discounts. Few places. accept such ID.
There are many travel scams
* free vacation certificates - which when you add up the fees and extras, you pay more than if you went to your local travel agent.
* free vacations, but the room is small and grimy, and a decent room is available at an outrageous price.
* down-payment and offer expires. You receive a promo letter and then call a number. You’re asked for a down payment and later when you try to book a time you get excuses - until the offer finally expires.
If you do want to become a travel agent, go to a local agent and work through him to get licensed.
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Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, c/o Name\Address of YOUR newspaper (or mail direct to her at PO Box 132,Wickatunk, NJ 07765-0132) or e-mail her at SandwchGen@aol.com.
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 460words; other material = 160 words
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