for release January 5, 2001
The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.
Keeping Children From Doctors Is Foolish And Selfish
Question: My mother, 85, a widow for 20 years, has been healthy up to now. She is hard of hearing and has difficulty reading small print. She has not been feeling well and has been going to the doctor frequently. She refuses to let me go with her, and the doctor doesn’t return my calls. My mother says “butt out.” We’re worried.
Answer: Unfortunately there are many similar cases.
A mentally competent person, regardless of age, has a privacy right which prohibits doctors to give information to their children or other relative. This is especially true if the person has so instructed the doctor.
My nephew, a doctor and chief of medicine at a prestigious hospital, says he will not talk at all to children if the parent doesn’t want him to. No ifs, ands or buts.
For my part, I think those with such stubborn pride and need to control are really foolish and selfish. Strong words. But accurate information is important. Many, regardless of age, are nervous when they visit a doctor, and don’t really hear everything that is said. It is very helpful to have someone else with you, especially if there is a potentially serious problem. If someone else can’t be with the patient, access to the doctors is important. I know. My mother used to tell me things that were not true. They were what she thought she heard - or what she wanted to believe. She had a high “denial” factor.
Fortunately, my parents’ doctors were very cooperative and open with us. They always returned our calls - even at l0 P.M.
I think it is very important for doctors to openly communicate with family members. It is family that has to deal with care burdens and illness ramifications. Which is why I think anyone who doesn’t want children to have access to doctors is selfish.
Health, aging, lifestyle are family issues and should be treated accordingly. On-going inter-generation communication is very important.
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Question: My parents, late 60s, have always eaten very spicy foods. I think they should reduce the amount of hot chili peppers they eat. They refuse.
Answer: Unless there is a gastro-intestinal problem that is being treated by a doctor, spicy foods can be healthy. They certainly don’t cause ulcers - a myth. In healthy people, chili peppers and other spices encourage the formation of mucous. This coats the stomach and in fact can help protect the stomach lining from damage.
As one ages, often the sense of taste deteriorates, so food is tasteless. Adding spices help maintain appetite, which is critical to health.
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Question: My wife, 74, has become very health conscious and only buys “natural sugar.” The price is much higher, and I don’t like the taste.
Answer: I’ve been told by a dietitian that “natural sugar” (whatever that is ) is no healthier than regular white sugar, honey, or high fructose corn syrup. Sugar is sugar. Choose what you prefer based on taste - and enjoy (unless you have diabetes or hypoglycemia).
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Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, c/o Name\Address of YOUR newspaper (or mail direct to her at PO Box 132,Wickatunk, NJ 07765-0132) or e-mail her at SandwchGen@aol.com.
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 510 words; other material = 160 words
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©2001 by Globe Syndicate, all rights reserved.