for release March 16, 2001
The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.
ENCOURAGE NEW LIFE IN THE SPRING
Question: My father, 82, had hip surgery last year and couldn't have his usual spring flower garden. He wants one this year. We feel he's too old and are afraid he'll fall and hurt himself. He's very upset with us.
Answer: He should be upset with you! First, Spring is a time for new life. I'm sure your father gets great satisfaction from seeing the flowers sprout, grow and bloom. A great emotional booster. My father had a sizable vegetable garden until he was 92!
I have a personal philosophy when someone says I can't or shouldn't do something. I ask why! Then I look for a way to do what I want to do!
So, instead of trying to discourage your father, look at options to help him achieve his happiness.
· Flower boxes on a deck's railing means there is no bending down.
· You can build a growing box in a yard. Picture a sandbox filled with top soil at least 25" high, maybe 35" to 40" wide, and a maximum of 20 feet long. This size will enable your father to easily plant and weed. If his balance is unsteady, putting in a vertical post every three or four feet can help him steady himself.
· Indoors, open shelves can accommodate flower pots as can window sills. Even a table placed near a window can be filled with plants.
I think a major responsibility of adult children is to help aging parents do what makes the elder happy and gives satisfaction. Just because a person is old doesn't mean he/she should not enjoy life and doing things.
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Question: My mother, 74, has a lot of fun playing with playdoh with her two-year old great grandson. Now she wants to take pottery lessons at the county park. What a mess that will be. I'll be the one who has to clean up and wash the filthy clothes.
Answer: I'm really puzzled by your reaction. You seem to have no trouble with your grandson playing with messy playdoh. From experience, I know how bits and pieces always seem to "float" around the house. You seem to have no problem cleaning up after the boy.
So, what's with your reaction to your mother's desire to potter? And why are you concerned with cleaning up after her? She seems capable of doing that herself.
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Question: Our town has a series of four concerts during the summer. My mother, 88, wants to get series tickets for the whole family. It's outdoors, on grass, and buggy. None of us want to go. How can we say "no."
Answer: This is one case where you shouldn't say "no." Turn the situation around to make it a fun family event. It's a good reason for everyone to spend time together. Having something fun to look forward to is a great morale booster for older people.
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Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, c/o Name\Address of YOUR newspaper (or mail direct to her at PO Box 132,Wickatunk, NJ 07765-0132) or e-mail her at SandwchGen@aol.com.
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 445 words; other material = 160 words
We would appreciate it if you would include the "Globe Syndicate" bug at the end of the column.
©2001 by Globe Syndicate, all rights reserved.