for release June 1, 2001
The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.
Home Modification
Question: My father recently died. My mother, 71, who has been in a wheelchair for many years, will move in with us. We're building a suite especially for her. What are some of the things we need to think about and incorporate into the work? She wants to be as independent as possible.
Answer: Congratulations to your mother for wanting to remain independent.
There are many traditional "do's" - like grab bars in the bathroom; wider doors for the wheel chair; and ramps instead of stairs. I'll try to give you some other things to consider.
+ Lever or loop handles for
doors, kitchen cabinet and dresser drawers.
+ Plexiglas along the bottom
of walls and doorways to prevent scratching from the wheelchair.
+ Light switches lower and
accessible from the wheelchair. And more lights.
+ Front controls on the
stove.
+ Lower counters for a microwave
and drawers for easier access.
+ Pull out counter for a
food prep area.
+ Room for the wheelchair
in the bathroom, especially the shower.
+ Shower rather than tub.
+ Lower sink height and
faucet controls. Also lower mirror.
+ Toilet paper holder should
be adjacent to toilet and 6 inches from the front of the toilet.
+ A bar along side of toilet.
+ Hand bars on sink counter,
if your mother can stand at all.
+ Plenty of electric outlets
throughout as well as telephone jacks.
+ Closet rods lower for
easy access. Flexible shelves for closets and food pantry.
+ A trapeze to help her
get in and out of bed on her own.
+ A rolling cart to bring
food to the table.
+ Doors that slide into
walls rather than open.
+ Lower temperature controls.
+ Wood floors rather than
carpet. No ceramic tile except in bathroom. Use small rough surfaced ones.
+ Emergency cord to alert
you of any problem while you are in your part of the house.
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Question: My mother recently died, and my father, 78, lives alone. He refuses to move in with my family. He's healthy, but...
Answer: "But" what? Why should he move in with you and give up his own lifestyle, habits and privacy? No reason I can see.
Identify the tasks he might have trouble doing himself because maybe your mother did them. Such tasks probably include doing the laundry, cleaning the house, and cooking. Give him appropriate help and hire someone if you can't do the laundry or cleaning. Planned properly, laundry and heavy house cleaning might be done once every two or three weeks. They don't have to be done every week.
While he may not be able to cook full meals, he probably can make his own breakfast and lunch. Encourage him. My father did until he was 93. In reference to dinner, there are various options and a combination of several will probably work out very well.
* * *
Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, c/o Name\Address of YOUR newspaper (or mail direct to her at PO Box 132,Wickatunk, NJ 07765-0132) or e-mail her at SandwchGen@aol.com.
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
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©2001 by Globe Syndicate, all rights reserved.