for release September 21, 2001
The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.
MENTAL OUTLOOK IMPACTS HEALTH AND HAPPINESS
Question: My parents are entering their 80s and have no major health problems. They are getting very anxious about the future and their health, even though it is good. They are looking to my sister and I to "make things better."
Answer: I don't think anyone can make another person or things "better" when there are no health problems to begin with. Nor can anyone make another person happy. Happiness comes from within, and results from how a person views life and events.
Recently I attended a Successful Aging Conference. I think some of the comments are pertinent to your parents as well as everyone, really regardless of age.
· 30% to 40% of mental outlook impacts health.
· Negative thinking = poorer health.
· Positive thinking = better health - and faster healing when
ill.
· Negative thinking = lessor quality of life and shorter life-span.
· Negative thinking results in more visits to the doctor.
Encourage them to
· enjoy little things every day;
· plan ahead to do things they enjoy;
· maintain contact with old friends;
· make new friends (yes, even at their age)
· not worry about "what ifs."
· eat properly and exercise
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Question: My mother, 73, never worked outside the home and has a limited social life now that my father is gone. She has gotten very anxious at being alone and very forgetful We're worried.
Answer: People who are anxious may not remember things as well as a calm person. It seems the brain (so I'm told) shuts down.
It may also be that lack of interaction with someone else on a daily basis is impacting her memory. Studies show that a lessor use of the brain can result in earlier dementia. They also find that people (especially women) with a lower level (no college) of education are more prone to dementia. The reason: the brain over time may have been less active. Being in a mental rut - for example, not learning new things - can negatively impact brain functioning.
Encourage her to participate in programs and trips sponsored by local organizations - senior center, churches, adult schools or colleges, area park system, and more.
She can develop a whole new life for herself.
You can read the story about one woman in her 80s who did develop a whole new life for herself after her husband died. The article "After the Funeral," is available on my web site : SandwichGeneration.com.
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Question: My mother, 73, never went to church before. Now that my father is gone, she goes several times a week. This seems to me to be a "crutch." I think she needs to get on with her life.
Answer: She is getting on with her life. She's reached into her spiritual self and has found comfort. She undoubtedly has, or will, make new friends and will participate in new activities = life.
Encourage her. A happier spirit = a healthier person.
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Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, c/o Name\Address of YOUR newspaper (or mail direct to her at PO Box 132,Wickatunk, NJ 07765-0132) or e-mail her at SandwchGen@aol.com.
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 470 words; other material = 160 words
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©2001 by Globe Syndicate, all rights reserved.