for release October 19, 2001
The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.
THE MORE THE MERRIER
Question: A dear friend of mine, who is 86 and loves people, lost her husband over the summer. She has no children or siblings. Her one nephew lives in Europe. I want her to join my family for the holidays, but don't know how to ask my daughter to invite her.
Answer: Holidays are times for sharing. So don't hesitate to talk with your daughter. One more person certainly is not a burden. Have your daughter call your friend or send her a written note/invitation.
I do hope sandwich generationers actively look at their parent's friends to see if there is someone like this reader's friend. It's not fun to be alone during holidays. Holidays are a time people should care about others.
* * *
Question: My mother, 82, has made some marvelous new friends at our senior center. There are three ladies she plays cards with several times a week. I want to do something special for them. Any ideas?
Answer: I can think of three things off the top of my hat!
Senior centers always have holiday parties. Talk with the director and offer to contribute something to their party; either food or money! You might also take your mother and her three special friends out to lunch. Choose a quiet restaurant (avoid the chains) with quality food. And/or, you might invite any of these ladies who might not have a family nearby to share your holiday celebration.
* * *
Question: My sister has always had the family over for Christmas. She lives 80 miles from us. My mother, 88, lives near me and can no longer travel that far. I want to host the dinner this year, but my sister says no.
Answer: When parents get elderly and frail, the children (your sister in this case) should make the changes during holidays. You all should enjoy being with your mother as long as possible; at a place that is comfortable for her. If your sister invites her in-laws (who may not want to come to your house), she can have a Christmas Eve party with them.
* * *
Question: My father passed away two years ago. Last year, we kept up our family holiday celebration at my house. This year, my mother (77) says she wants to take us all on a cruise - one that is good for kids. There would be five adults and four children. We don't want to be away from home. Plus, it's very expensive. How can we discourage her?
Answer: If your mother can afford to pay for everyone, encourage her and join in the fun.
In a different (from home) environment, your mother may miss your father less. Also, I personally think it's great she wants to share fun times with you, your brother, and the children. Money is to spend and enjoy.
You can always have a pre-holiday open house if you still want to celebrate at home.
* * *
Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, c/o Name\Address of YOUR newspaper (or mail direct to her at PO Box 132,Wickatunk, NJ 07765-0132) or e-mail her at SandwchGen@aol.com. Carol also has a web site: thesandwichgeneration.com.
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 450 words; other material = 160 words
We would appreciate it if you would include the
"Globe Syndicate" bug at the end of the column.
©2001 by Globe Syndicate, all rights reserved.