Globe Syndicate
for release January 10, 2003
The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself
and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your
once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is
dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns
and/or responsibilities.
NURSING HOMES MUST HAVE "RESTORATIVE" PROGRAMS
Question: My father, 89, has been in and out of the hospital three times in the
past six months. We have always brought him back home. We don't like nursing
homes. But we can see he needs a lot more care than we can give him. We're torn.
Answer: When a person is critically ill, has been in a hospital for serious
problems, and/or has limited capabilities to do anything for self, nursing home
placement can provide better care. They have specialized staff and equipment.
More important is the fact that SNFs must develop a care plan and discuss it
with the family. The care plan should be reviewed on a regular basis and
revised.
An integral part of a care plan should be a "restorative" program. A restorative
program helps people achieve their highest practicable level of functioning and
reduces patient decline.
Even those with Parkinson's, for example, can be helped in such a way that the
disease progression can be better managed and loss of functions slowed.
Such a program is highly individualized and holistic in approach. Specific
activities and services are detailed.
Besides restoring functioning, a restorative program can give the patient more
self-esteem as he/she sees progress.
Progress should be monitored, and any progress (or decline) should be discussed
with the patient (whenever possible) and the family.
Medications should be minimal, given the patient's condition, as often they
negatively interfere with both mental and physical functioning.
Remember: Medicare does pay for all nursing home costs up to 21 days, and
partially for up to 100 days. Take advantage of this.
* * *
Question: Both my parents (late 80s) are very frail. My father had a stroke, and
my mother cannot care for him and herself. He needs a lot of help because he's
bedridden. She needs help in bathing and taking medicines. My father may need a
nursing home. But my mother doesn't. They don't want to be separated.
Answer: Today there are many multi-level care facilities, where independent
living, assisted living and skilled nursing care [SNF] are provided in a
campus-like environment.
There are also many dual wing facilities with an inside connection. Your mother
could be in the assisted living wing and your father in the SNF. This way they
can see each other every day. This would also provide peer socialization for
your mother.
* * *
Question: We always promised my parents we'd never put them in a nursing home.
My mother is now 90 and bedridden. She is very mentally alert. I am 60 and have
health problems myself. I can no longer take care of her, and feel guilty and
depressed.
Answer: You need to put yourself on top of your priority list. You need to take
proper care of yourself first. If you don't, who will be there for your mother?
Both you and your mother deserve the best. Don't feel guilty!
Visit several nursing homes and talk with staff, residents and their families.
Visit our web site www.sandwichgeneration.com. There is a series of articles
that will help you make the decision.
* * *
Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered
individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever
possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, c/o
Name\Address of YOUR newspaper (or mail direct to her at PO Box 132,Wickatunk,
NJ 07765-0132) or contact her through her web site: thesandwichgeneration.com.
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the
unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 510 words; other material = 160 words
We would appreciate it if you would include the "Globe Syndicate" bug at the end
of the column.
©2003 by Globe Syndicate, all rights reserved.