Globe Syndicate
For release Friday March 21, 2003
The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
PROTECT SELF/GUARDIANSHIP
ELDER LOSES ALL RIGHTS WHEN GUARDIAN APPOINTED
Question: My parents (late 70s) are in good health and live in their own home.
Both do volunteer work and are very, very independent. They refuse to even
discuss powers of attorney or living wills. If something happens, we’ll be in
trouble.
Answer: Unfortunately too many people (young and older) don’t like to talk about
getting “old” and needy. That means they deny the natural progression of aging
and the possibility that something bad could happen.
Any person, regardless of age, who does not talk about POAs and living wills, is
foolish and I believe selfish. Foolish because not giving someone else POA opens
a court appointed guardianship situation. In this case, the elder or sick person
loses absolutely ALL rights in reference to finances as well as daily living
arrangements and decisions. I wonder why anyone would want to completely and
voluntarily give up their rights!
Selfish because not taking action by self puts a tremendous burden on caring
family members. Burdens are both emotional and financial, when a lawyer has to
be hired.
Financial, medical, and daily life decisions could be made by complete
strangers. Is this what your parents really want?
Question: I had to go to court to get guardianship of my father, 86. He has
lived with us for six years and lacks capacity to handle his finances and make
even the simplest decision. My two sisters say he should go into a nursing home
because he is incontinent and wanders at night. I am worn out, but also torn.
Answer: If your father is basically healthy and can get around OK, he does not
need a nursing home.
If you and your family feel comfortable having him live with you and if he’s OK
with that, you should look at in-home help alternatives.
You shouldn’t have to provide all the care. If your sisters don’t want to or
can’t do tasks, ask them to chip in so you can hire someone to help. Also you
need respite and quiet, and/or enjoyable time for yourself.
Question: I’m 69, healthy and quite capable of taking care of myself. My two
daughters are pressuring me to sign a power of attorney and living will
documents. Why should they have this power over me?
Answer: As long as you are capable of handling your financial affairs and/or
your medical decisions, you certainly can and should do so. However, if
something happens to you suddenly, someone else -- someone you trust -- should
be able to handle your affairs and make decisions for you.
Think of a POA person as a ‘helper’ for money things and your health care
representative as being able to tell the doctors what you want as far as medical
treatment is concerned. You can keep the documents in YOUR files.
If one of your daughters does not have POA, then a judge can appoint a complete
stranger to make decisions for you. Then you and your family lose control of
your finances and life style.
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself
and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your
once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is
dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns
and/or responsibilities.
* * *
Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered
individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever
possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, mail direct to
her at PO Box 132, Wickatunk, NJ 07765-0132 or contact her through her web site:
thesandwichgeneration.com.
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the
unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 514 words; other material = 160 words
We would appreciate it if you would include the "Globe Syndicate" bug at the end
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©2003 by Globe Syndicate, all rights reserved.