Globe Syndicate
For release Friday May 23, 2003
The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
LOCK UP VALUABLES
1st of 2 Parts
Question: My mother, 76, had a stroke and can no longer take care of herself and
the house. We hired an agency, but they send someone different every week. Then
my mother, who has trouble talking, has to tell the helper what to do and how to
do it. She’s very upset, and yesterday refused to let someone new into the
house.
Answer: Good for your mother! Care consistency is important. Talk with the
agency and tell them you want the same person all the time. If they can’t
provide the same person, call another agency.
If the regular person is sick, then it is understandable that they would send
someone else. The agency should alert you and/or your mother.
When using an agency, make sure their workers are bonded. Also ask if they do a
police check.
Question: My father, 84, has finally agreed to have live-in help. How do we find
someone reliable and honest?
Answer: There is no one clear cut guaranteed way. You may not get the right
person the first or even second time.
• An agency: A home health care agency is a good starting point, if it is bonded
and insured. Also if it has care training programs for their workers.
• Hospital discharge planners generally know resources available in the
community and which agencies are reliable.
• Referral from a friends, minister, other health care worker.
• Advertise in your local newspaper. Be sure and check out references and the
police.
I used a combination of referral from one of the aides who took care of my
mother in the hospital and of advertising in the local and area newspapers. I
interviewed at least six women.
I fired the first live-in housekeeper after my father said she spent a lot of
time on the phone and didn’t do the work. The housekeeper who stayed for six
years was recommended by the hospital aide. For four years, we also had a
weekend person, who came from the newspaper ad.
Do keep in mind that even with a good housekeeper there will be disagreements
and tiffs. I spent many hours calming down both my mother (who would fly off the
wall) and the housekeeper.
Question: My parents, late 80s, need help. We’re wary because we hear so much
about helpers stealing from the elderly.
Answer: Regardless of one’s age, someone else can steal from us. Everyone should
take precautions.
Expensive jewelry and silver should be locked up. You should keep the key.
Also make an inventory of other valuables, antiques or family knickknacks.
My mother’s good jewelry and the silver were locked in the cedar chest and I had
the only key. I also made an inventory of her collectibles.
Periodically, she wanted to change earrings - a must every day. So she would go
through her jewelry and select what she wanted.
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself
and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your
once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is
dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns
and/or responsibilities.
* * *
Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered
individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever
possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, mail direct to
her at PO Box 132,Wickatunk, NJ 07765-0132 or contact her through her web site:
thesandwichgeneration.com.
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the
unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 493 words; other material = 160 words
We would appreciate it if you would include the "Globe Syndicate" bug at the end
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©2003 by Globe Syndicate, all rights reserved.