Globe Syndicate
For release Friday August 15, 2003
The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
NURSING HOME PLACEMENT
IS A TOUGH DECISION:
HERE’S TIPS
Question: My aunt, 86, can no longer be kept at home. We have visited at least
six nursing homes and don’t know how to choose the best.
Answer: There probably isn’t one “best.” There may be one or two “better” ones.
• Physical environment and decor. Is the atmosphere warm and cozy?
• Is there a urine odor as you walk down the halls? Or is there an
air spray deodorant smell? Either indicates lack of attention to patient needs.
• Does staff scurry around from room to room? Or up and down the hall? Or do
they spend at least a few minutes with patients or greet them warmly? If they
scurry, under staffing may be a problem.
• Is staff clearly visible and accessible to patients? If no one is around,
again under staffing is a problem.
• How does the administrator react to your questions? If impatiently, go
somewhere else.
• Are physical and occupational therapy services available?
• Visit during meal time to see food quality and presentation and if there is
staff to help where needed.
• Does the SNF staff develop a comprehensive care plan and review it at least
every 6 to 8 weeks? Critical to maintaining a higher quality of life.
• What is the base cost and what services are extra? Who will pay?
Never, ever, turn over your loved one’s assets to a nursing home. Pay the bill
each month. Never pay a substantial up front fee for admission. This is totally
illegal under federal law.
Question: My mother, 89, is in a nursing home and can only get around in a
wheelchair. Her roommate, a nice sweet woman, died. They gave her a new one who
is verbally abusive and screams at my mother. The staff says “just be patient.”
My mother shouldn’t have to put up with this.
Answer: You’re 100% correct. Your mother doesn’t have to be subjected to abuse.
You can - and should - demand that the woman be removed or your mother moved to
a different room. You also have the right to approve a new roommate, especially
given this situation.
Personally, I feel the nursing home is delinquent in its duty to separate
abusive patients from others. Exposure to such abuse is not good for your
mother’s emotional well-being.
Question: We had to put my father, 90, in a nursing home because of Alzheimer’s.
He can no longer talk, but makes terrible animal sounds and constantly tears off
his clothes. I bought him all new clothes. Why does he do this?
Answer: One of two possible reasons. He may not like the color. What were his
favorite colors when he was younger? Buy clothes in those colors, even if they
are very bright. Even in dementia, a person knows what he likes.
Or the material may feel scratchy to him or he may he allergic to it. Get
clothes made from a different kind of material.
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself
and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your
once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is
dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns
and/or responsibilities.
* * *
Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered
individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever
possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, mail direct to
her at PO Box 132, Wickatunk, NJ 07765-0132 or contact her through her web site:
thesandwichgeneration.com.
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the
unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 508 words; other material = 160 words
We would appreciate it if you would include the "Globe Syndicate" bug at the end
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©2003 by Globe Syndicate, all rights reserved.