Globe Syndicate
For release Friday September 12, 2003
The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
TOO MANY ELDERLY DIE IN PAIN
Question: My mother, 88, is in a nursing home and complains she is always in
pain. The staff seems to ignore her complaints, saying “she doesn’t know
anything.” I cry every time I visit.
Question: The doctor says my mother (lung cancer) has maybe 6 months to live. He
says nothing will help and now refuses to even talk with us. I’m upset.
Question: My father has aggressive colon cancer. The pain has been increasing
dramatically. But the doctor refuses to give him enough pain medication to
relieve his suffering.
Answer: All of these questions address important end of life issues.
Unfortunately most medical practitioners flunk the “humane” test. This goes for
both doctors and nurses. In reference to these specific cases, family members
must be proactive and make sure the pain issue is appropriately handled. In the
case where the doctor refuses to talk to the family, get another doctor. No one
should have to suffer pain!
Last Acts, an organization devoted to end of life issues, did a national study,
rating states on how they address critical issues. The report card was terrible.
Complete state by state grades can be obtained from their website
www.lastacts.org.
Summarizing key points:
• Between 35% and 45% of nursing home residents in most states are in persistent
pain.
• Most states got a C or D for pain management policies.
• Nationally only one-third of one percent (.33%) of doctors are certified in
palliative care and only four-tenths of one percent (.04) of nurses.
Most states received a “C.”
• While 70% of Americans say they want to die at home, only 25% actually do so.
• Hospice care continues to be under utilized. Most states ranked a “D” with
less than 25% of elderly deaths using these services.
• Most states received a “C” for hospital end-of-life care services.
Question: My father, 76, has severe Alzheimer’s and is in a nursing home.
Instead of having an aide feed him, they’ve put in a feeding tube. His living
will clearly states he does not want to be on machines of any kind. The home
says the feeding tube will improve his quality of life. Without it, they say he
will die.
Answer: Nonsense! A feeding tube in a severely demented person will not improve
quality of life! In fact it probably will be more negative than positive because
it will tie the patient to the bed.
If he has a living will, in most states the nursing home must comply. So follow
a legal route. Contact your local Legal Aid Services Agency.
If they don’t have sufficient staff, hire someone or have family members take
turns to feed him.
When it reaches the point he cannot eat, unless he has a tube, bring in hospice.
Help him pass on quietly. Most people do not want to be kept alive just for the
sake of it.
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself
and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your
once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is
dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns
and/or responsibilities.
* * *
Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered
individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever
possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, mail direct to
her at PO Box 132, Wickatunk, NJ 07765-0132 or contact her through her web site:
thesandwichgeneration.com.
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the
unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 496 words; other material = 160 words
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©2003 by Globe Syndicate, all rights reserved.