Globe Syndicate
For release Friday January 30, 2004
The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
DON’T RUSH INTO SURGERY:
GET SECOND OPINION
Question: My mother (72) has been diagnosed with cancer. Her long-time doctor
wants to operate and then have her get chemo. She refuses. How can we convince
her to get treated?
Answer: I’m not a doctor. But with many diseases, like cancer, a second - or
even third - opinion is warranted before surgery.
Too often benign lesions are misdiagnosed as cancer. Then there are times when
cancerous tumors have been misdiagnosed as benign.
Get another opinion before any surgery, for whatever reason, is done.
Useful web sites:
• www.americanheart.org or 800-242-8721.
• www.cancer.org or 800-227-2345
• www.blastcancer.org
Medicare and most other insurance will pay for second opinions.
Question: My parents’ (late 70s) doctor gets very defensive when we ask him
questions.
Question: My father’s (88) doctor refuses to explain why a medicine we’ve heard
about that is supposed to help reduce high blood pressure is not good for my
father. The doctor is very abrupt.
Question: I’ve spent a lot of time on the Internet researching colon cancer. I
(74) have recently been diagnosed as having it. My doctor says all that
information is garbage. I’m confused.
Answer: Doctor-patient relations are changing because patients are becoming more
pro-active, drug companies are spending millions advertising, and the Internet
has so much information.
Patients should be pro-active and ask questions. Doctors should be more patient
in answering questions and educating patients.
The blips:
• Much internet information is factually inaccurate or misleading. The source
should be a reliable organization or medical institution.
• Many new drugs are inappropriate. If one reads about all the side effects, I
wonder why anyone would take some of them. The doctor should explain things
clearly.
• Many doctors are defensive because they can’t keep up with every new drug or
procedure. This may not be OK, but it is reality.
• Medical schools do not teach doctors how to communicate effectively and
comfortably with patients and their families.
The way a doctor communicates is critical to creating a partnership relationship
rather than an adversarial one. A “caring” doctor listens and responds
appropriately.
Alternative medicine: Today there are as many alternate medicine remedies as
found in traditional medicine. Some are much less toxic than prescription drugs.
An interesting site is www.LifeExtension.com.
Question: My mother, 86, has been diagnosed with congestive heart failure. The
doctor refuses to tell us how long she has to live. We're upset.
Answer: Don’t be upset. Doctors are not God and have no control over a patient’s
lifestyle or eating habits. Your mother can prolong her life span by eating
properly and exercising moderately. It’s up to her.
Besides have problems with communications, doctors are not comfortable making
prognosis (life expectations) except at the very end. With all the technology
and knowledge, doctors rarely can predict. When they do, recent studies indicate
most patients live longer than doctors’ estimate.
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself
and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your
once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is
dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns
and/or responsibilities.
* * *
Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered
individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever
possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, mail direct to
her at PO Box 132, Wickatunk, NJ 07765-0132 or contact her through her web site:
thesandwichgeneration.com.
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the
unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 547 words; other material = 160 words
We would appreciate it if you would include the "Globe Syndicate" bug at the end
of the column.
©2004 by Globe Syndicate, all rights reserved.