Globe Syndicate

For release Friday April 09, 2004

The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents

by Carol Abaya, M.A.

ELDERS NEED TO BE EMPOWERED

Question: You have written before about “empowering” an aging parent. How on earth can a frail or sick aged person be empowered? They can’t do much as it is.

Answer: Empowering starts with determining what the person can do for self and helping the person maintain that capability level for independent living. Then a list of “needs” should be developed -- in writing.

Helping a person remain in his or her own home and be independent is important and empowers. Independent living does not mean a person is able to do everything for self. It does mean that the person has control of and a say in how things are done and who does them. .

An elder may not be able to shop, clean house, cook or even bathe self. But the elder can and should have a say in how these tasks are done.

Question: My grandmother is 98 and is in an assisted living residence. She insists on reading several times a week to the children in a nearby day care center. The kids have so much energy, we’re afraid she’ll get hurt. She won’t listen to us. How can we get her to stop?

Answer: Many cheers and gold stars for your grandmother! By empowering her to do something she obviously loves will lengthen her healthy lifespan. This MUST be the objective of every adult child.

I’m sure the center staff is very protective -- as are the children. So don’t worry about her getting hurt. More people get hurt in the bathroom than in car accidents. Are you going to tell your grandmother to stop bathing or going in a car? I don’t think so.

Studies show that people have a longer, healthier life span if they have a happy reason to get out of bed in the morning. Obviously your grandmother gets much joy and every herself from the children.

My father worked at the local hospital every day until he was 88. It gave him a good reason to get up in the morning, get dressed, and eat a good breakfast. He received much satisfaction knowing he was doing something important, that needed to be done.

••• Some aging notes from a new study:

* There are 30,000 centenarians (those over 100) in the USA. When I became a sandwich generationer in 1991, there were only a couple of thousand over age 100.

* 85% of centenarians are female.

* A healthy old age is 30% from genes and 70% from behavioral elements and lifestyle.

* The older you get, the healthier you’ve been.

Another acronym worth noting: Ageing* (from Dr. Thomas Perls, Boston Medical Center)

“A” equals attitude. How one manages stress.

“G” is genetic. Look at your family tree.

“E” is exercise. Strength training is important as one ages.

“I” equals interests. Your brain can learn new, even complex, things regardless of age.

“N” equals nutrition. Get your weight down and do take some vitamin supplements.

“G” is for getting rid of cigarettes.

Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?

Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.

* * *

Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, mail direct to her at PO Box 132, Wickatunk, NJ 07765-0132 or contact her through her web site: thesandwichgeneration.com.

Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.

NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 570 words; other material = 160 words

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