Globe Syndicate

For release Friday May 07, 2004

The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents

by Carol Abaya, M.A.

WHERE CAN MOM LIVE NOW?

2nd of 3 parts

Question: My great-aunt, 79, lives alone in a very old house that needs many expensive repairs. She doesn’t drive, so can’t shop, go to church or the doctor. She seems to be losing weight. She’s not happy and is getting depressed. We live 200 miles away and don’t know what to do.

Answer: If your aunt wants to move, there are many options. Independent living residences (ILRs) have individual apartments. They provide cleaning and laundry services, nutritious meals, medical oversight, transportation and social activities. ILR are for the still hale and hearty who can take care of their personal needs.

Assisted living residences (ALFs) are for those who need some help with personal care tasks and/or are mentally confused. Most ALFs have a separate section for the confused and those with dementia and/or Alzheimers. So the mentally alert are with people of similar mental capabilities. ALFs provide more services than independence residences.

Continuing Care Communities (CCRCs) are for those with no or few relatives and/or don’t want to have to worry about what will happen to them if and when they lose more physical and mental capabilities. CCRCs have several levels of living arrangements, from separate apartments for the early years to assisted living, when personal care chores help is needed, to skilled nursing homes.

I know two women with no close family who moved into a CCRC when they were in their late 60s. Now they are in their 80s and feel secure they will (and do) receive the help they want and need. They don’t have to seek help elsewhere, hire someone they don’t know to help them, or move.

Financial arrangement: Independent senior residences and assisted living homes generally operate on a monthly fee (rental) basis, like an apartment. There is a menu of services, some included in the monthly fee and others that are extra. You need to be clear about the extra charges.

CCRCs generally require a sizable up-front fee. Usually the monthly charges are less than the ILFs or the ALFs. The lump sum fee is sometimes refundable on a sliding scale if the person dies within a specific period of time or doesn’t want to remain in the community after a relatively short period of time.

Skilled nursing homes: Skilled nursing homes (SNFs) are for those who need intense medical care or those who are bedridden and need complete personal care. You pay a monthly charge which includes certain services. There are also extras. You need to be clear on these.

You need to ask a lot of questions regardless of which level of care you want/need. Among them are the qualifications and training of the staff and the staff to resident ratios, especially for ALFs and SNFs. While not yet law, the recommended staff ratio for SNFs is one RN for every 32 patients, one LPN for every 18 patients, and one CNA (Health aide) for every 8.5 patients.

Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?

Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.

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Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, mail direct to her at PO Box 132, Wickatunk, NJ 07765-0132 or contact her through her web site: thesandwichgeneration.com.

Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.

NOTES TO EDITORS: text =559 words; other material = 160 words

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