Globe Syndicate

 

For release Friday May 28, 2004

 

 

The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents

 

by Carol Abaya, M.A.

 

ELDERS NEED UNCONDITIONAL LOVE

 

            Question:  My father, 84, has always had a flower garden.  He had a stroke and can’t bend down.  He loves flowers.  What can we do so he can plant this year?

            Answer:    I am delighted you are looking for ways to help your father continue doing what he loves!

            There are raised planting beds that can increase the height of the ground as much as 10 inches.  I also just saw flower containers that hug the railing of a deck.  They’re really neat.   Web site www.gardeners.com.  Tables or shelves can also be used to hold planters.

            While plants can’t “talk” like people or animals, a thriving one can give the carer a lot of happiness. 

 

            Question:  My mother, 78, can no longer stay in her large home.  We want her to move into senior housing, but they don’t allow pets.  She refuses to move without her two cats.  Need help.

            Answer:  Pets help maintain better mental health, especially in an older person living alone.  Her cats should not be given up unless there are unresolved care issues or finances.  In many states, there are laws protecting seniors and pets if they move into senior housing.  Check the laws in your state.

 

            Question:  My parents (late 60s) lost their two dogs within a few months.  Now they want to go to the pound and get two more dogs.  They say if they ‘fall in love’ with more than two, they will take all home.  We’re against this.  Why would they want more work?

            Answer:  First of all, your parents are young and probably able to care for them themselves.   Second of all, it’s none of your business if your parents get more pets -- unless they cannot take proper care of them. 

            Rather than get unknown dogs from a pound, they might decide on a particular breed and get new pet(s) through the breed rescue unit.  They can get a mature dog and background information. 

            Do keep in mind that pets give a person a reason to get up in the morning and go out for walks.  They give unconditional love.

 

            Question:  We just spent thousands of dollars adding on rooms to our house for my father, 81.  He has a big collie who he refuses to part with.  I work all day and don’t want to worry about a dog.

            Answer:  A collie is not a big dog.  If well trained, your work will be minimal.  Your father probably can take care of the dog himself.

            If you do not like animals, ask your father to keep his dog in his rooms and not let the dog roam through your part of the house.

            You are out all day at work.   Your father is home all alone.  Not good.  The dog provides love and companionship.  If not for the dog, what will your father do all day when no one else is home?  Sit and twiddle his thumbs?  And likely end up very depressed.

 

 

Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time?  Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?

 

Do you feel alone?  Rest assured you are not alone!  The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.

 

 

 

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Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, mail direct to her at PO Box 132, Wickatunk, NJ 07765-0132 or contact her through her web site: thesandwichgeneration.com.

 

Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.

 

NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 561 words; other material = 160 words

 

We would appreciate it if you would include the "Globe Syndicate" bug at the end of the column.