Globe Syndicate

For release Friday June 04, 2004

The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents

by Carol Abaya, M.A.

ON-LINE BANKING == MORE RISKY

Question: How do I convince my parents (mid 70s) that they should have their dividend checks directly deposited into their bank account? They live 100 miles from me and can’t handle their finances.

Answer: You didn’t say why they can’t handle their own finances. Are they ill or mentally confused?

If they are mentally competent, set up a 12 column ledger book. Then they can make note of each dividend as it comes in and deposit the checks. My father handled his own finances until he was almost 94.

Handling their own account helps their self-esteem. . It’s a control factor. The more they control themselves, the better they feel about everything. Loss of control can lead to depression and various health problems.

If they are mentally confused, have the checks sent to you. You can keep the ledger book and deposit the money into their account. Many banks today have branches all over. This is how I handled my mother’s checks.

Personally, I’m still in the 20th century. I keep track of my dividends in that ledger book mentioned above. Reason: I don’t want my bank account numbers “out there” in so many places.

Question: I handle my parents’ finances and want to set up the bank account so I can pay their bills on-line. It’s much easier for me. My parents get hysterical when I mention this. How can I convince them?

Answer: While millions do pay bills on-line, you’d have to convince me even before your parents. On-line banking can open up more doors to identity theft. Hackers can more easily get into an individual’s bank account than they can into a bank’s internal security. Bank information can then be used to wipe out the account. The National Consumers League says identity theft is one of the top scams of the 21st century.

Given the risks, a 37 cent stamp is cheaper and safer.

Question: My mother, 72, was pressured into buying a $300,000 life insurance policy after my father died three years ago. She had to pay $9,000 up front for three years worth of premiums. She was told it would pay for inheritances taxes when she dies. Now they are pressuring her for more money even though we’ve decided the policy is not really needed. The agent keeps calling, and leaves threatening messages if she’s not home. What should she do?

Answer: Given the changes in federal estate tax laws, most people will not have to pay even one penny. So, such large policies are not needed at all.

Unfortunately too many agents pressure vulnerable widows into spending money needlessly. In one case, I sat in a meeting with an agent and a widow who also had been pressured into buying a large policy. The agent admitted the premium could have been $700 a year instead of $3,000. The $3,000 a year was to guarantee that the premium would never increase.

The family decided the mother could better use the money to do things she wanted to while she was alive.

Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?

Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.

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Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, mail direct to her at PO Box 132, Wickatunk, NJ 07765-0132 or contact her through her web site: thesandwichgeneration.com.

Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.

NOTES TO EDITORS: text =574 words; other material = 160 words

We would appreciate it if you would include the "Globe Syndicate" bug at the end of the column.