Globe Syndicate

 

For release Friday November 12, 2004

 

 

The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents

 

by Carol Abaya, M.A.

 

 

EVERYONE  HAS  THE RIGHT TO HAVE

FAMILY OR FRIEND AT HOSPITAL BEDSIDE - IF....

 

 

Question:  If a person is in intensive care in the hospital, does he/she have a right to designate someone to be at the bedside?  What about those who have no family or who are gay?  Does a person who has only friends have to lie there alone at such a time? Does power of attorney cover such situations?

 

Answer:  If a person has a  Living Will, in other words, given someone else medical power of attorney, then that POA designee can be in the ICU and hospital bedside.  No one from the hospital can refuse admittance.  If a hospital does refuse to allow the medical POA designee access to the patient, then the POA designee can seek a court order and then later on the designee and/or the patient can sue the hospital.  If a hospital is threatened with a law suit, it usually will comply with a medical POA.

 

A living will usually consists of two parts:  designating a person to act as health care representative, who can make medical decisions, and secondly, giving specific instructions to doctors and the hospital or nursing home as to what medical treatment is desired (e.g. to be kept alive on machines) or not desired (not to have life prolonged on machines.)

 

In cases where non-direct-family members have POA, the document itself should be kept in a place easily accessible to the POA designee.

 

Given the fact Living Wills are legal documents that must be accepted in most states, I do not understand the problems gay couples have in this area.  A simple document, properly worded by an attorney, will allow a “mate” access to medical information and person in the hospital as well as enable him/her to make decisions.

 

 

Question:  I am in my sixties and have never married.  Can my sister, brother, niece or nephews make medical decisions for me?  I do not believe in making a living will.

 

Answer:  No.  No one can make medical decisions for you and your family may be refused visitation in ICU unless you have legally appointed someone to be your health care representative.  I am continually amazed that people would rather leave themselves open to the health care system or at the mercy of complete strangers rather than make life care decisions.

 

At my latest course about Protecting Self, I was surprised and somewhat disheartened that so many couples had never even discussed with their spouse and children what medical treatment was desired and not desired and their quality of life criteria.

 

Everyone, regardless of age, should make such an important decision.  You do need to discuss your wishes with family members and chose THE person who will make decisions according to your values and wishes and not according to his/her own values.  Also, someone who will not give in to pressures from other family members.

 

 

Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time?  Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?

 

Do you feel alone?  Rest assured you are not alone!  The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.

 

 

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Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, mail direct to her at PO Box 132, Wickatunk, NJ 07765-0132 or contact her through her web site: thesandwichgeneration.com.

 

Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.

 

NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 549 words; other material = 160 words

 

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