Globe Syndicate

 

For release Friday November 26, 2004

 

 

The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents

 

by Carol Abaya, M.A.

 

 

STRESS AND HUMOR:

LAUGHTER IS THE BEST MEDICINE

 

Question:  I laugh at the antics of my two-year-old dog.  I laugh at silly old movies or TV programs. I cannot laugh at my now elder parent care responsibilities.  They’re not funny.  My doctor has given me an antidepressant and told me to laugh.  How on earth and why, given the problems, should I laugh?

 

Answer:  A friend of mine, a geriatric social worker/humorist puts it this way.  “We often take our role of caregiver too seriously.  We take control over our parents’ lives in the interest of protecting them, and in the process, lose sight of opportunities to share laughter and closeness.”

 

She also points out that the serious issues are serious.  “But don’t confront every event with the same gravity.  That’s where humor comes in.  It puts balance in your life, helps you sort out what really matters and enables you to bounce back from hardships.”

 

The fact is old age is part of life.  No one can change this.  But it is the emotional bond between caregiver and parent that matters most, especially as an older person’s social circle becomes smaller.

 

There have been medical studies done that indicate that if a person laughs 24 times a day that better health ensues.  This principle can be adapted to all ages.

 

I recently had ‘confrontations’ with my next to oldest great nephew and one of my young students, both of whom are solemn kids, rarely laughing out loud.  In a contest of wills, I got both of them to laugh out loud for the first time in a long time.  My Jarod, after trying hard not to laugh and caving in, said to me, “How do you do this?”  He was asking how I got him to laugh without even saying anything. 

 

So, lighten up and see the humor in everyday happenings.  Step back and ask yourself, “Is this negative (event or comment from a parent) world shattering?  Is it a life or death issue? ”

 

My friend also says that everyone needs to give their self permission to be happy and laugh in spite of problems.  Unfortunately human beings come into this world with the capacity for humor, but society gradually teaches everyone to rein it in, to control it, to sit up straight and stop being silly.  As one gets older and encounters life’s difficulties, a person needs to work harder at finding laughter.

 

Even smiling causes different chemical responses in the brain.  It stimulates the production of endorphins, the neurotransmitters that are our “happy” hormones.  Laughing triggers a tremendous physical response that awakens the body’s senses and injects a sense of well being.

 

During my mother’s last day, she and an 86-year-old friend of hers were giggling (yes, the correct word) about the sexy romance novels they both loved.  While it didn’t make her better, medical-wise, it kept up her emotional spirits to almost the very end.

 

 

Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time?  Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?

 

Do you feel alone?  Rest assured you are not alone!  The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.

 

 

* * *

 

Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, mail direct to her at PO Box 132, Wickatunk, NJ 07765-0132 or contact her through her web site: thesandwichgeneration.com.

 

Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.

 

NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 553 words; other material = 160 words

 

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