Globe Syndicate

For release Friday December 10, 2004

The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents

by Carol Abaya, M.A.

MARITAL TRUSTS MAY NOT BE THE BEST ANSWER

2 of 2 parts

Question: According to my late husband’s Will, many assets have to be placed in a trust fund, with my son as trustee. He will control everything. I’m afraid he’ll want the money for himself and won’t give me enough to pay my bills. Should I hire an attorney?

Answer: Unless you want to completely overturn your husband’s Will, it will be useless to hire an attorney. You can only hope your son will do what is proper.

Marital trusts are used to allow couples to double the amount of money/assets they can leave to children tax-free. Currently each person can leave $1.5 million free of federal taxes. This means, if planned correctly, a couple can leave $3 million to their children.

A number of states, including New Jersey, froze the tax free amount to less than the federal level. You need to check your state law.

For estate tax purposes, marital trusts are a good vehicle.

However, the surviving spouse does lose control of the assets and may become a pawn in the parent-child relationship. Needless to say, this is not good. So, there is a big “IF” to the benefits of such trusts. The “IF” is crucial for the protection of the surviving spouse.

The instructions in the Will should specifically say that the trustee MUST distribute all income generated by the assets at least once or twice a year. The trustee has to follow this and cannot refuse to distribute money to the surviving parent.

The instructions should also specifically say that the principal “can be invaded” to pay for specific items, such as medical expenses and/or daily help care if the surviving spouse needs such care.

I am not an attorney and you should be guided by a qualified elder law attorney. But I have seen surviving spouses have to beg their child (the trustee) for money

Loss of a loved spouse is traumatic itself. Having to ask a child for money can be emotionally devastating. Hence my personal recommendation for such instructions and wording.

Needless to say, in choosing a trustee, you should be sure that person (1) is trustworthy, (2) is financially responsible, and (3) shares your own life values.

Question: I am 78 and have substantial financial assets. One of my children is a “loser.” I don’t want him to squander my hard-earned money. I also want my two grandchildren to get something.

Answer: Trusts set up after a person dies and according to a Will can, if properly worded, prevent squandering and protect your grandchildren. Stipulations, as noted in the previous question, are important. A trusted person (another child, your accountant or lawyer) should be named as the trustee. Your son can receive a certain portion during his lifetime and then your grandchildren can get the rest when he dies. Or you can leave this son nothing, but include your grandchildren directly.

Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?

Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.

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Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, mail direct to her at PO Box 132, Wickatunk, NJ 07765-0132 or contact her through her web site: thesandwichgeneration.com.

Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.

NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 554 words; other material = 160 words

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