Globe Syndicate

 

For release Friday December 31, 2004

 

 

The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents

 

by Carol Abaya, M.A.

 

 

REDEDICATION TO ALL LOVED ONES

 

2005.  A New Year.  It was 14 years ago that The Sandwich Generation (R) as an informational tool for elder/parent caregivers was born.  The informational need has skyrocketed since then.

 

Awareness of elder/parent care scenarios has also increased.  When I started the magazine, very few people had even heard of “the sandwich generation.”  Today, in large part through my work, these words have become household terms.

 

In the beginning, I would get silence on the other end of the telephone when I said I was with The Sandwich Generation (R) magazine.  Today, I get, “Oh, I’m one of them.”

 

 As baby boomers enter the sandwich generation arena, a larger number of unpaid, dedicated caregivers will face their own new challenges on the stage of life.  No one can rehearse for this new role.  Everyone will experience roller coaster emotions and often physical weariness.

 

Even after all these years, the questions and basic problems remain the same.  Yet each situation is different because every person and each relationship is different.   My hairdresser told me years ago that he did not have a magic wand to make me beautiful.  So, there is no magic wand when it comes to elder/parent care and solving often emotional problems.  There is no one “right” way to do something.  The situational and personality variables determine how families handle elder care.

 

Typical historic questions include:

•  When should I intervene in my parents’ daily life?  They refuse to move out of their big house.

            •  How do I get my parents to accept help?  They deny they need any.

            •  How can we best protect our parents’ assets?  We don’t want to pay estate taxes.

•  My two sisters live far away and don’t help care for  my mother.  I am doing everything myself and stressed and burned out.

•  I never see my two teenagers because I have to spend so much time doing things for my parents.  The kids are upset and now doing poorly in school.

•  My father moved in with us.  Now my husband may move out.  I have to choose one or the other.

•  My father recently died.  My mother wants to get a big dog to protect herself.  She refuses to move closer to us.  She’s 200 miles away.

•   My father had a severe stroke and needs a lot of care.  My mother can’t do it all.  I have to work and so do my sister and brother.  We can’t do everything even if we split up the tasks.

•  My mother is on a respirator and a feeding tube.  She is mentally alert and doesn't want them.  My father refuses to have them removed.  My mother is upset and so are we.

 

2005 is a rededication to the millions of sandwich generationers, their aging parents, and everyone’s emotional roller coaster.  Over the coming weeks, these questions and many more will be answered in The Sandwich Generation (R).

 

 

Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time?  Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?

 

Do you feel alone?  Rest assured you are not alone!  The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.

 

 

 

* * *

 

Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, mail direct to her at PO Box 132, Wickatunk, NJ 07765-0132 or contact her through her web site: thesandwichgeneration.com.

 

Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.

 

NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 558 words; other material = 160 words

 

We would appreciate it if you would include the "Globe Syndicate" bug at the end of the column.