Globe Syndicate

For release Friday March 18, 2005

The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents

by Carol Abaya, M.A.

WHEN SAFETY IS JEOPARDIZED: INTERVENE

Question: My father, 86, lives alone, takes six different medicines, has lost weight in the past six months, and “wanders.” He’s very independent, and my sister says, “Leave him alone. This is what he wants.” Should I leave him alone?

Answer: No. You should not leave him alone! You should aggressively intervene in your father’s daily life activities because he is at great risk both medically and mentally. If he wanders, he is also at risk at the physical level.

His weight loss and wandering are key triggers for active intervention. You should talk with his doctors to see why he is taking all of this medicine. Drugs can result in loss of appetite (hence weight loss) and confusion (hence the wandering).

If he is not eating properly because he can’t or doesn’t like to cook, take steps to make sure he has appropriate food/meals available on a regular basis.

Question: My parents (late 70s) are very independent. When I make suggestions about their doing things differently, they tell me to mind my own business. When should I insist on changes?

Answer: I don’t know what you mean by “changes.” But there are three key areas where an adult child should intervene in a parent’s life. These are the top reasons people over 65 end up in hospital emergency rooms.

Prevent falls by safety proofing the house or apartment. Check and eliminate problems in regards to steps, carpeting, lighting, electrical wires, rugs, bathroom safety, trailing telephone wires. Put handrails in the bathroom and help them reorganize cabinets so that things they use most often are at reachable levels (without a step stool).

Make sure nutrition is appropriate. If they are not cooking on a regular basis, pack pre-cooked food in single serving bags. They can easily microwave the food. Food poisoning is top on emergency room visit list. So, clean out the refrigerator on a regular basis. Also, get them help with shopping.

Make sure medicines are taken properly and continually monitor meds for true need. Seniors are notorious for taking too many unneeded medicines.

If parents are at risk in any of these areas, aggressive action is warranted. Even though a parent may protest, sandwich generationers need to take the leadership role.

Question: My mother refuses to use light bulbs that make it easier to see or read. She’ll sit in her chair and lean over to hold a book under the light, with a 60 watt bulb. She says she can’t afford high electric bills. I’ve tried to get her to use 100 watt bulbs. She refuses.

Answer: Using 100 watt bulbs, as opposed to 60 or 75 watt ones, does not use more electricity and therefore will not cost more.

If your mother refuses to use 100 watt bulbs, you should do put them in the new bulb cartons she may have in the closet. Few people check the bulb itself after removing it from the carton.

Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?

Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.

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Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, mail direct to her at PO Box 132, Wickatunk, NJ 07765-0132 or contact her through her web site: thesandwichgeneration.com.

Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.

NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 558 words; other material = 160 words

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