Globe Syndicate

 

For release Friday April 8, 2005

 

 

The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents

 

by Carol Abaya, M.A.

 

 

VISITS TO PATIENTS SHOULD BE SHORT

 

Question:  My father, 78, was in the hospital.  Colleagues of the other man in the room visited, stayed four hours and were very noisy.  They acted as if they were at a party instead of in a hospital.  We were very upset.

 

Answer:  You had a right to be upset and should have spoken with the nurse.  Such behavior is not acceptable.  No patient or family member needs to put up with noise.  The hospital staff should have been aware of the loud visitors and said something to them.

 

Question:  My aunt, 74, recently was in the hospital.  She was very sick, and the other patient in the room was also very sick.

 

However, friends and family of the other patient stayed well after visiting hours were supposed to be over.  The other patient also received a lot of calls, both on the hospital phone (very loud) and cell phone.  She repeatedly had to go into a long explanation of why she was in the hospital.

 

My aunt was disturbed, and the other woman was exhausted.  What is proper hospital protocol?

 

Answer:  Unfortunately many friends, acquaintances or colleague of someone in the hospital telephone the patient to satisfy their own curiosity and want all the gory details first hand.  So they call or visit.

 

During the first few days when someone is in the hospital, I personally think friends, acquaintances and/or colleagues should NOT call or visit.  Touch base with a family member if you want an update.  It is just too exhausting for a sick person to have to repeatedly discuss what is wrong.  It is also exhausting, both physically and emotionally, to have a constant stream of visitors, who stay more than 20 minutes.  Visitors should limit the time spent visiting, and the family should monitor the number of visitors.  The hospital will not allow someone to go up to a room if the doctor or family has asked for a limit on visitors.

 

Often patients are reluctant to say they don't want visitors in order not to hurt a friend's feelings.  Often patients put up a good front, but then collapse after the visitor leaves.

 

Telephone calls should be limited to 10 a.m. to 6 or 7 p.m., except for close family members.  Friends should ask the family (not the patient) if they can call or visit.

 

Spouses and adult children need to monitor care and reduce disturbances.

 

Question:  My aunt, 84, was in the hospital and had multiple tubes in her.  Her daughter lives 150 miles away and couldn’t be there all the time.  I suggested they hire an aide to stay with my aunt, so she wouldn't be alone.  My cousin refused, even though they have plenty of money.

 

Answer:  Your suggestion was an excellent one.  Some people don't like to have another person just sit around doing little.  But having someone available provides peace of mind for both the patient and children, who may live far away.

 

 

 

Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time?  Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?

 

Do you feel alone?  Rest assured you are not alone!  The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.

 

 

 

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Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, mail direct to her at PO Box 132, Wickatunk, NJ 07765-0132 or contact her through her web site: thesandwichgeneration.com.

 

Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.

 

NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 562 words; other material = 160 words

 

We would appreciate it if you would include the "Globe Syndicate" bug at the end of the column.