Globe Syndicate

 

For release Friday June 03, 2005

 

 

The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents

 

by Carol Abaya, M.A.

 

 

EXECUTORS CANNOT “BUY” ITEMS FOR THE ESTATE

 

Question:  My brother is executor of my mother’s estate.  She sated she wants everything liquidated and the proceeds split four ways.  I have three brothers.  The brother who is executor wants the sterling silver and says he will pay the estate $300.  The silver is worth much more, probably around $1,500.  What should we do?

 

Answer:  I am not an attorney.  But it is my understanding that an executor cannot “self deal.”  This means your brother cannot buy the silver, unless he pays the estate fair market value and all of you agree to the purchase.  A formal estate appraisal should be made on the silver and anything else worth more than a couple of hundred dollars.

 

Question:  My mother (79) has a lot of expensive jewelry.  I envision a fight between my two sisters and one sister-in-law when my mother dies.  She is concerned about this and doesn’t know what to do.

 

Answer:  She can give pieces now to whomever she pleases.  Or she can designate in her Will who she wants to get what.   Or after she goes, you can have a lottery and each one of you will have chance to choose in turn.

 

Question:  I have Power of Attorney for my father, 85.  Until recently he handled his own finances and paid his bills.  He had a stroke and no longer wants to worry about money.  I have three sisters, who are very greedy.  Already they want me to give them my father’s money.  What should I do?

 

Answer:   First of all, your sisters have absolutely no legal right to your father’s money until AFTER he dies.  And only if his Will states they are to receive money, or whatever.

 

As POA designee, your total responsibility is to you father, NOT your sisters.  You do not have to answer any of your sisters’ questions or demands. 

 

If your father’s assets are many (over $1.5 million), he might want to “gift” to your sisters on a planned basis.  He can gift up to $11,000 a year to each of you.  This should he his decision, and any checks made out should be in his handwriting, and possibly even witnessed by a third party. .

 

You should keep very careful and organized records.  Keep every bill and check you write out and all documents relating to investments.  You need to protect yourself as well as your father from your sisters. 

 

Question:  My mother, 78, wants to pay the tuition ($16,000) for my son’s college.  I have been told she can only give him $11,000.  Otherwise, we’ll have to pay income taxes.  Is this true?

 

Answer:  Not really.  If your mother writes the tuition or even room and board checks directly to the college (not you or your son), there are no tax repercussions.  She can still give him and/or you another $11,000 a year, tax-free.  Make sure you keep the check when it is returned in case IRS questions the payment later on.

 

Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time?  Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?

 

Do you feel alone?  Rest assured you are not alone!  The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.

 

 

 

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Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, mail direct to her at PO Box 132, Wickatunk, NJ 07765-0132 or contact her through her web site: thesandwichgeneration.com.

 

Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.

 

NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 565 words; other material = 160 words

 

We would appreciate it if you would include the "Globe Syndicate" bug at the end of the column.