Globe Syndicate

For release Friday June 24, 2005

The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents

by Carol Abaya, M.A.

PLANNING CAN EASE FAMILY BURDEN

2nd of 3 Parts

Question: My parents (mid-80s) have several pieces of real estate (a home, a summer home and a small commercial property) as well as a solid investment portfolio. We want to take advantage of the estate laws so we don’t have to pay any taxes when the second parent dies. We’ve heard about marital trusts. Would one work in our case?

Answer: I am not a lawyer, but there is a very simple way to avoid taxes, and a marital trust established by the Will of the first one to pass away is an excellent vehicle.

My parents did not have a trust established, but by simple planning we avoided several hundred thousand dollars in taxes. You can take a similar route. Property deeds were changed from joint tenancy (the usual way couples own property) to tenants-in-common. Second step was to change each one’s Will so that the deceased person’s half of the property was not inherited by the survivor. In our case, my father’s assets went directly to my sister and I. In your case, a martial trust would be beneficial. Then the heirs will get the property after the second parent dies.

In your case, both the Will and Trust documents should make it clear that the surviving spouse can keep the properties -- or sell any or all at any time. In this case, the life rights concept could work, especially for the primary residence.

Question: My parents (early 70s) refuse to even discuss having a Living Will. They say they (1) are very healthy and (2) know what each other would want done. We’re in our 40s and after the Terry Schiavo situation, we now have the legal document which states what we want and who should make decisions if we can’t. What should we do about my parents?

Answer: Good for you for having your wishes documented legally. It’s critical for everyone, regardless of age, to put down on paper what he/she wants and doesn’t want. Also, to appoint someone to make decisions if the patient cannot.

As for your parents, unfortunately they seem to prefer (1) to have strangers make critical life and death decisions; (2) push children and spouse into a horrendous emotional -- and possibly -- legal roller coaster; and (3) force family to thousands of dollars in legal fees.

ADVICE: My feelings about the necessity of having a properly executed Living Will were echoed at a recent Bar Association seminar. The attorneys presenting the seminar gave excellent examples of the problems created by forms purchased in an office supply store or a poorly-worded Living Will.

One man said, “My wife knows what I want -- absolutely no machines.”

“What happens if you need an operation and need hydration and nutrition for just a short period of time?” the attorney asked.

The man was unable to answer -- and in reality would be left to die because of his “no machines at all” wishes.

Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?

Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.

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Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, mail direct to her at PO Box 132, Wickatunk, NJ 07765-0132 or contact her through her web site: thesandwichgeneration.com.

Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.

NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 563 words; other material = 160 words

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