Globe Syndicate
For
release
The
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
HOW ONE REACTS TO EVENTS
DETERMINES STRESS LEVEL
Question: I am 63 and
taking care of my 85+ year-old parents.
My husband just retired and wants to do
something different every day. I’m so
torn that my doctor gave me an antidepressant.
I hate drugs, but...
Answer: The vast majority of
visits to doctors are stress related. So
know you are not alone.
In
reference to your parents, my advice has always been: Do as little as possible for your parents
given their true physical and mental capabilities. Identify true needs and bring in help where
needed so you don’t have to do everything yourself.
In
reference to your husband, my initial reaction is that doing something
different EVERY day together is a bit much.
Unfortunately, it seems he has no hobbies or interests of his own and is
depending on you to entertain him.
You
need to discuss this with him, plan to do several things a week together and
encourage him to find new friends and activities. There is always a need for volunteers at
various organizations, hospitals, and schools.
In
reference to your own stress, you need to understand the triggers and accept
the fact you cannot do everything for everyone else.
I
recently came across a series of booklets, titled “Life Lights, Words for the
Soul.” A list can be obtained by calling
802-457-4000.
The
booklet “Easing the Burden of Stress” by Rabbi Sheila Peltz Weinberg provides
great insight into stress, how stress affects us physically and mentally and
coping TIPS.
Rabbi
Weinberg says “There are thousands of times in our speed-driven, information
overloaded world when our bodies are primed to fight or flee. The vast majority of these
moment are false alarms. In truth
we are not under attack. But our bodies
don’t know this. They produce physical symptoms that do not find release in
fighting or fleeing, but instead exert a negative effect on our mental and
physical health.”
She
further states,” Stress is often accompanied by contraction of both mind and
body. Being overwhelmed by too may
demands creates a tightness in the shoulders, or a clutching in the chest that
constricts breathing. Thoughts of gloom
and doom are often accompanied by knots in the stomach. We shut down.
We focus solely on our individual predicaments. Our vision gets very narrow.”
Rabbi
Weinberg reminds us that all caregivers are only human and can only do the best
they can do.
TIPS to
relieve the stress, she says, include focusing on “nurturing the calm center
that will heal us in the midst of life’s demands.”
Focus
on breathing, the source of life.
Meditation experts say you should take deep breathes, hold for 10 to 15
seconds, and slowly release. Repeat at
least 10 times.
Rabbi Weinberg says it simply: “Simply noticing the breath can return us to the present moment, dissolve tension, and free us from the fear of what is to be.”
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.
* * *
Do
you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered
individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever
possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, mail direct
to her at
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 551 words; other material = 160 words
We would appreciate it if you would include the "Globe Syndicate" bug at the end of the column.