Globe Syndicate
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release
The
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
CHILDREN SHOULD HELP PARENT LIVE
WHERE PARENT WANTS TO
Question: My mother, 78,
wants to sell the 100-year-old family home and move to a senior residence. My sister
says, “No way” because SHE wants the house.
I back my mother, and a third sister refuses to take sides.
Answer: If the house deed is in
your mother’s name alone, she can do with it whatever she wants. She does not need anyone else’s
approval. She has every legal right to
sell and move. Your mother has every
right to use her assets for the kind of lifestyle and care she wants, deserves,
and will eventually need.
If your
sister wants the house so badly, she can buy it from your mother at fair market
value. In other words, she should pay
your mother whatever strangers would pay.
Question: My mother, 84,
realizes she needs help with various chores around the house, cooking, cleaning, etc. She wants to have someone come in and help
her. My brother says she should move to
an assisted living residence. My mother
wants to stay in her own home.
When I
asked my brother why he objects to having someone live-in with my mother, he
said “They’ll steal everything.” Is this
true?
Answer: Yes and no. Yes, stealing in the home can happen, but it
also happens all too frequently in facilities.
There is no guarantee that staff in a residence are 100% honest.
A
live-in in your mother’s home will enable her to live the way she wants to and
to do what she wants to when she wants to.
Studies show that people living at home are healthier and happier and
live longer.
Your
objective should be to help her live as independently as possible as long as
possible.
At the
same time, you need to carefully check out the person you want to hire for a
live-in position: Some TIPS:
(1) Ask family members or friends, a local
minister or business person you might know to recommend a caregiver.
(2) Interview a number of people and carefully
check ALL references.
(3)
Make sure your mother participates in the interviewing and decision making
process.
(4)
Make a list of all the chores you want the caregiver to do and make sure she is
agreeable to doing them.
(5) Have each applicant fingerprinted, with a
subsequent police check. If the person
refuses to be fingerprinted, be suspicious and do not hire. It’s well worth the cost.
(6) Make an inventory of all valuables (both
money-wise and of sentimental value) in the house. Make sure the caregiver knows an inventory
has been made.
(7) Have your mother keep her good jewelry locked
up. Maybe you can be the control point.
(8) Don’t have a lot of cash around the
house. Put some money in a special
envelope in case the caregiver has to buy some groceries or something for your
mother. The receipt should be then put
in the envelope, for your later review.
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.
* * *
Do
you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered
individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever
possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, mail direct
to her at
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 562 words; other material = 160 words
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