Globe Syndicate
For
release
The
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
ALZHEIMER’S: LIFE IN REVERSE
1st of 2 Parts
Question: My father, 74,
retired from the military, has moderate Alzheimer’s. But he seems to be
getting worse quickly. He still thinks
he’s THE BOSS. He follows me around
giving me orders. I don’t know how to
handle him.
Question: My aunt, 80,
has dementia. She lives with my mother,
70. They seem to get into a lot of arguments
and end up yelling and then in tears.
Question: My mother, 85,
is in another world mentally. We repeat
things to her, and the next day she’ll ask the same question. The other day,
she wanted to know why we hadn’t told her about my daughter’s baby shower. We had told her at least 10 times. She yelled that we were lying, had never told
her, and don’t want her at the party.
Answer: Dealing with Alzheimer’s
and dementia is probably harder than dealing with a specific physical
illness. There is no logical
progression, except that you as the caregiver are viewing life in reverse. Picture a movie telling the story in the
reverse order. Keep in mind that
Alzheimer’s people have about a two minute attention span and then immediately
forget what was said in that two minutes. Also, dementia affects are more radically
seen at night, which is called Sundown Syndrome.
The
Alzheimer’s Aid Society of Northern California has some insightful TIPS.
Your
father follows you around because you may be his security blanket -- in
addition to the fact that he held so much authority in the military. Apparently military people and teachers are
the most combative when it comes to continuing to give orders and “being
right.”
To
reduce fights and tears, the caregiver should never tell a demented person that
he or she is wrong or use the word ‘don’t.’
Trying to bring her back into reality only triggers a reaction that you
are making her crazy.
Question: We had to move
my mother, 80, into a secure assisted living residence because of her confusion
and wandering. She is giving the
caregivers there a hard time with bathing and eating. The staff doesn’t want to deal with her. We can’t take care of her safely at home.
Answer: Bathing and eating habits
are most problematic. Caregivers need to
tap into the person’s normal routine, feelings and likes and dislikes. Routines should be accommodated as much as
possible.
What
time of day did your mother normally shower or bathe? Does she like colder or hotter water? Let her touch the water before getting into
the shower or tub. If there is a tub,
put colored stripes on the bottom so she doesn’t think there is no bottom. Talking to the person while bathing her and
saying, “OK, I am going to wash your face (or whatever)” provides mental
security. Praise the person as the
washing continues -- “Your face looks so nice now that it’s clean.”
ALZHEIMER’S: TO BE CONTINUED NEXT WEEK.
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.
* * *
Do
you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered
individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever
possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya,
mail direct to her at
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 557 words; other material = 160 words
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