Globe Syndicate
For
release
The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
GIFTS SHOULD BE WHAT THEY
LOVE
Question: I took
my father, 74, shopping and all he wanted was red print or bright green
shirts. He’s too old for such
colors. How can I get him to understand
this?
Answer: No one is ever too old
to wear bright colors. Bright colors (1)
cheer up a person, and (2) make him/her feel good about self.
My
father liked red shirts and wore them until his death at 94. He also liked checkered jackets and plaid
slacks. And he usually mixed the
different prints with a bow tie that was of still another print. What was important was that these were what
HE liked and wearing them made HIM feel GOOD.
Our objective as adult children must be to help our aging parents
continue to feel good about self. And
after all, he, not you, is wearing the clothes.
As long as they are clean and pressed, what difference does it really
make?
One
woman with severe Alzheimer’s was always agitated, but every once in awhile,
she was calm. The family finally figured
out that when she wore a red dress she was calm. .
Question: My
grandmother is in a nursing home. She is
able to walk around, but is often very confused. Her needs are little, so we don’t know what
to get her for Xmas. Any advice would be
welcome.
Answer: This is a common
dilemma, whether the older person is in a nursing home or at home. Whatever the gift, the objective should be to
show that person that she or he is still loved, part of the family and an
important person.
Room
accessories: a pretty picture, a family
picture, a decorative pillow, an afghan or comforter.
Photographs: old ones that have past meaning can be
reframed, and new ones can help elders keep in touch with family far away.
A radio
or CD player helps a person maintain contact with the rest of the world and
family, especially if bedridden.
Periodic taped messages, especially from friends and family who live far
away help an elder retain a sense of importance.
Costume
jewelry: very inexpensive jewelry helps
a woman feel good about herself, and it doesn’t matter if it gets broken or
lost. A watch for either sex helps a
person maintain contact with time of day and world.
Skin
cream, a light scented perfume or dusting power or after shave lotion help a
person feel good about self, provided the person isn’t allergic.
Food: a
favorite homemade dish or small jar or portion of a favorite food helps relieve
the sameness of facility food.
Clothing:
machine washable may be welcome. But ask the primary caregiver first. Sock slipper with leather soles keep a person
warm, yet won’t slide off like shoes or regular slippers. A light sweater may be good in an air
conditioned facility because older people get colder faster than the young.
Plants or flowers, even silk flowers, help liven up a room and are pretty to look at. Even if a person has poor eyesight, flowers with a nice fragrance can be enjoyed.
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.
* * *
Do
you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered
individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever
possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, mail direct
to her at
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 583 words; other material = 160 words
We would appreciate it if you would include the "Globe Syndicate" bug at the end of the column.